Breaking (the) News

Student in Baillieu Library Sleeps for Record Breaking 154 Hours

15 May 2017

First year Commerce student, Michael Murphey, has amazed Baillieu library staff by becoming the first student to sleep in the library for over 154 hours during an academic week.

Staff were alerted to the sleeping student after receiving a number of complaints by other students.

The nineteen year old had allegedly remained sleeping at a computer on the Baillieu’s third floor. When contacted for comment he explained that finding a computer to sleep at had been the hardest part about sleeping through Week Eight.

“I had to wake up every three hours to rebook the computer I was sleeping at,” he said.

“I’d love to be able to sleep at a part of the campus that I don’t have to book, however I choose to sleep at a computer out of consideration for my fellow students. Sleeping on a couch is lazy. Sleeping at a computer makes sure other sleeping spaces aren’t taken up.”

Murphey’s dilligent booking of the computers he sleeps in front of has been met by praise from University staff. An official statement from the office of Glyn Davis, University Vice-Chancellor and part-time Kevin Rudd look-alike, praised Murphey.

“Whilst students at other universities around Australia tend to sleep on their campus with no regard for the University experiences of others, Michael encapsulates the diligence of a University of Melbourne student,” the letter stated.

“It is not only Michael’s commitment to day-napping that should be applauded, but also the dedication he has to ensuring that all students looking for a computer to study at shall be graced with his passion for excellence.”

Not all students are as impressed by Michael’s actions.

A representative from The University of Melbourne Student Union (UMSU), the University’s peak student representative body, stated that some students felt inconvenienced by those who slept at University computers.

“Whilst the vibrant sleeping culture at the University of Melbourne must be maintained, care should be taken to ensure that students are also allowed access to educational resources,” President Yan Zhuang said.

“It is a real possibility that a student may fail a subject, drop out of university or miss the opportunity to receive a Centrelink payment as a direct result of a student sleeping at their booked computer,” she said.

Murphey’s new record has truly shaken up Baillieu staff, with most librarians losing money after placing bets on third year student and two time sleeping champion, twenty year old Michelle Keegan, on breaking the long standing record.

Keegan, the most lauded university sleeper of all time, had been the bookies’ favourite to take out the coveted sleeping record with odds at $1.40.

‘Breaking (the) News’ is Farrago’s satire column and is not to be taken seriously.