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Prose

Crazy Steve Rodgers Part Two: Bucky and I Are Getting Married!

16 August 2018

1. EXT. NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE – EARLY MORNING.

Everything appears serene until IRON MAN flies through the sky with a loud whoosh! He is distributing fluttering bits of paper from above. The camera pans down to street level, and one of the papers flutters into view. It reads: Wedding of the Century: Bucky Barnes and Captain America in classy italic font.

CUT TO:

Crazy Steve Rodgers: I run into Bucky in 2014!

2. INT. STARK TOWERS.

NATASHA and BUCKY are deep in discussion over BUCKY’s wedding dress scrapbook.

          BUCKY:
I want it to be simple, but elegant. Something I could win a knife fight in.

          NATASHA:
Of course! How about this one?

          BUCKY:
It’s a bit out of our price range …

          NATASHA:
Hmm, I’m sure we can find one a lot like it at a cheaper cost.

BUCKY flips through the pages some more and sighs.

          BUCKY:
I’m so excited. It seems so recent that I was brainwashed and trying to kill Steve and now we’re getting married!

NATASHA takes a shot of vodka.

          NATASHA:
Definitely worth celebrating.

Music starts playing.

          NATASHA:
Remember back when we had problems?

          BUCKY:
Oh man, that was annoying.

          BUCKY AND NATASHA:
But now because of—

          BUCKY:
—lifelong extensive therapy and the love of a good man—

          NATASHA:
—five shots of vodka—

          BUCKY and NATASHA:
—we’ll never have problems again!

Vision enters.

          VISION:
What are you two talking about?

          NATASHA:
Who the fuck are you?

          BUCKY:
(slamming a shot)
Um, he’s that … that guy.

          NATASHA:
Oh, yeah! That guy.

          BUCKY and NATASHA:
We’ll never have problems again!

NATASHA caresses vodka bottle.

          BUCKY and NATASHA:
Now everyone will know that our love is undying!
We’ll never have problems again!

          BUCKY:
…except I still have nights where I’m randomly crying.

          BUCKY and NATASHA:
We’ll probably still worry about humanity
Because for some reason that keeps being a problem
But the aliens know we’re happy as we could be
And if we need to fight to save the world
We’ll use weapons that run on love
Tony Stark is developing those weapons
The first trial failed but that’s because it wasn’t true love

STEVE enters.

          STEVE:
Hey Bucky, whatcha doin’?

          BUCKY:
Steve!

          NATASHA:
We have decided to have an impromptu stag night.

          BUCKY:
We’re looking at wedding dresses!

          NATASHA:
And drinking.

          BUCKY:
It’s the stag night I’d always dreamed of.

          STEVE:
That’s awesome, Bucky.

They kiss.

          STEVE:
We have a slight problem though.

         BUCKY and NATASHA:
No!!!

          STEVE:
Huh? Oh it’s nothing world-threatening.

          BUCKY:
No problem! We have love!

STEVE smiles goofily.

          STEVE:
Okay, yeah. But also Tony invited New York to our wedding.

          NATASHA:
New York? Like, as a concept?

          STEVE:
Like as a city.

          BUCKY:
Oh no. I don’t think we can fit them in the venue.

          STEVE:
I believe he’s planning on a livestream in Times Square

          BUCKY:
Oh. I’m … drunk.

          STEVE:
We can deal with it later. Enjoy your stag night.

They kiss again, and STEVE exits.

          VISION:
So do you guys wanna …

          NATASHA:
Who the fuck is that.


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