Columns
Shakespeare Writes Comedy
Shakespeare remained and watched the show with bemusement. At one point, a strange-looking lad with a square jaw spoke of a foreign man called “Voldemort” doing a foreign thing called “wanking”, to which the audience around descended into deep cachinnations. Our bard sat, frowning and confused, not understanding the source of the humour.
26 July 2018
Part Five: “I can see his pride / Peep through each part of him”
Shakespeare stood in front of the mirror sans a shirt. He had hair on his nipples. He clutched a stumpy device and rubbed it under his arms, for odorous fumes he was told he exuded. He’d fallen in failure’s arms the semester prior, and he was bracing his mind for the semester to come. The bard pinched some waxy cream and rubbed it about his pate. His brown locks were now pointed, dipping down upon his brow.
17 July 2018
Who is that girl I see?
Watching Mulan is like finding Pringles in your pantry and then realising they are the budget kind. Underwhelming, but hey, I’ll take budget Pringles over no Pringles any day! Bad analogies aside, it’s a film that most would view as a revolutionary portrayal of Asian women, and for the most part, it is. There’s plenty […]
10 July 2018
Exams for the Self-Conscious
From experience, I know that the potential for overthinking exists in any situation, even during the infamous exam period. Maybe you’re thinking that everyone is too busy cramming last minute knowledge into their brains to stress about what other people are doing. If that’s true for you, my heartiest congratulations. But the rest of us […]
22 June 2018
Adventures In Student Cooking: Prepared for the Apocalypse
The Chef — Really can’t cook, but tries hard — Would have already died in apocalyptic scenario — Good at picking My Kitchen Rules winners — Irrationally dislikes onion The Setup — One small fridge with freezer compartment — Three gas stove burners (one is broken) — One microwave that burns the outside of frozen meals while failing to defrost the center Sometimes, […]
28 May 2018
Part Four: “Once more I’ll read the ode that I have writ”
Shakespeare looked at his laptop. He shifted uncomfortably and read once more the task he had to end: to write 15 lines of poetry for his creative writing subject. He hadn’t written much; he was sort of gazing at the wall and remarking how pale and white it was. He looked back at his screen to read what he’d writ. From. An excellent word for an hour of work.
21 May 2018
Parties for the Socially Disinclined
I’m sure a lot of you are looking forward to the weekend when you can go to a party and let loose, but for some of us, the idea of being surrounded by sweaty, drunk people in a room with poor lighting and too-loud music isn’t exactly the epitome of fun. However, parties are a […]
3 May 2018
The Simpsons: Watching Ourselves
The world of The Simpsons is very much the one we live in: corrupt politicians, dysfunctional family, crass jokes galore. When we turn on the TV and find the residents of Springfield beating the mayor to a pulp with a baseball bat, we don’t feel like we’re watching some remote yellow lifeforms prancing around. Instead, […]
3 May 2018
Adventures In Student Cooking: Vege-try-ian
The Chef — Really can’t cook, but tries hard — Would have already died in apocalyptic scenario — Good at picking My Kitchen Rules winners — Irrationally dislikes onion The Setup — One small fridge with freezer compartment — Three gas stove burners (one is broken) — One microwave that burns the outside of frozen meals while failing to defrost the center I […]
17 April 2018
Classes For Social Underachievers
The purpose of class is to learn but honestly, who can absorb knowledge and participate in class whilst attempting to be a socially functioning human being? (Sorry tutors, but trying to get a room full of students to discuss some farfetched topic is like me trying to stop procrastinating and finish that essay due in […]
4 April 2018