Abigail Fisher2 March 2018
As of December 2017, A Guinea Pig Romeo & Juliet was selling better on Amazon than the original version. All theory aside, people love Guinea Pig Classics. Arguably the best way to figure out why is to directly consult the consumers themselves. As I am not due to interact with any actual children in the week leading up to submitting this review, I read A Guinea Pig Romeo and Juliet to my friend after a few pints. “Omg little butt”, she says, and “soooooo worried, oh nooo”. I think she’s referring to the fact that all of the little guinea pig faces look generally really concerned and bug-eyed, which is objectively hilarious when they’re ALL WEARING HATS and framed with such captions as My only love sprung from my only hate! / Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Bloomsbury’s editor Xa Shaw Stewart says that this is the key to the series’ success: “Guinea pigs are just so funny—they are so earnest and serious. They always look a tiny bit worried. When you set an incredible text against a really worried little face, something magical happens.”
Long ago, Snow White’s ancestors invaded a beautiful, sunny land. There she lived in the Queen’s care. The Queen asked her magic mirror, “Who is the fairest in the land?”
It replied, “If you mean fair as in pale, it’s Snow White. But don’t hold yourself to the beauty standards of your oppressors. Love yourself.”
The dog loves it!
She finds bottles full of human urine
or a half-full coke can
and tears off over the horizon only to return
sticky and licking her stained lips.
— Don’t try so hard to be profound. It’s annoying.
— I’m writing how I feel.
— You were eating a chip when you had your first kiss. Okay. Gross. But the chip is not a symbol, Miranda. You don’t feel it flaccid, lukewarm, lodged at the back of your throat as you speak and especially when you remain silent. A potato is not the patriarchy. Anyway, what is this supposed to be? Is it a poem?
Although promoted as a “dramatic comedy about marriage, panic attacks, anti depressants, and not always getting what you want,” it soon becomes clear that Jeremy Perfect would be better described as a dramatic comedy about bad sex and uncomfortable living arrangements. The Confessions of Jeremy Perfect is playing at La Mama Courthouse Feb 28 – March 11.
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