the grub

Lecturer Reading Off Slides Replaced By Alexa And Nobody Notices

Students enrolled in UNIB10019 Italian Patisserie were dismayed to discover last week that the soothing voice of their professor was in fact Amazon Alexa in disguise. The virtual assistant spent the lecture reading paragraphs directly off the slides in lieu of Professor Hopkins, who was ill that day.

4 May 2018
Student Precinct Construction Disturbs Ancient Horror Long Buried Beneath The Earth

Progress on the University of Melbourne’s new student precinct has hit something of a snag, with construction disturbing a long-dormant subterranean horror underneath the campus.

3 May 2018
Total Dropkick Desperately Tries To Get Picked For The One Tute Question He Can Answer

In a pathetic attempt to salvage as much of his unavoidably dismal tutorial participation mark as possible, local dropkick John Lin has reportedly leapt at the opportunity to answer the easiest of seven tutorial questions.

23 April 2018
Little Fat Lamb The Sixth Most Dangerous Creature In Australia, Studies Show

The creature has shot to sixth place in Australian Geographic’s annual dangerous australian wildlife rankings, Fuck There’s Some Scary Shit in This Country.

21 April 2018
“How I sleep at night”: Exclusive Q&A With A Metro Ticket Inspector

They are foreboding, menacing figures. They inspire fear in the hearts of innocent, broke students and clueless baby boomers alike. They prey especially on the young, the vulnerable, the disorganised, and those generally having a shit day. The thought of being approached by a Metro ticket inspector inspires terrifying nightmares in every Melbourne public transport […]

27 March 2018
Anxious about job prospects post-graduation? 5 ways to leech off your parents for the next 30 years!

1. Extend your study: If you never finish studying, it’s never time to enter full time employment!

25 March 2018
Unavoidable 8am Tutorial Just Makes Residential College Student’s Life So Hard

According to sources, University College student Isabella Jonas’ quality of life has been severely diminished following her placement in an unavoidable tutorial at 8am.

2nd-year politics major with WAM of 52.5 continues to mock Monash students at every opportunity

Fresh from a holiday in Europe funded by his Liberal-voting parents, politics major Connor Johnson continues to stay in touch with his elitist roots by constantly reminding all of his friends that his solid P-WAM is equivalent to an 80+ average at other institutions.

20 March 2018
Philosophy Student Not Unemployed But “Challenging Neoliberal Paradigms”

Andrew Wilkies has boldly challenged the economic world order by refusing to consider the possibility of employment.

15 March 2018
Panic: Student Forgets Everything About Self During First Week Tutorials

Mary Griffith, 18, was completely at a loss after being asked to provide a single interesting fact about herself last week.

10 March 2018
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