FARRAGO

At its best, market capitalism is a positive force driving change, innovation, growth and prosperity. At its worst, it’s an excuse to reduce one of the most intimate human experiences (taking a shit) to a cost-saving calculus.

In a shocking announcement, the University of Melbourne has revealed the implementation of an anti-cheating software capable of recording every single thought experienced by any given student.

There’s a Melbourne band with a killer sound—maybe something halfway between Wavves and Skegss—and it just isn’t getting its music “out there”. Sound familiar?

In an act of cheekiness, a middle-aged professor has used her last PowerPoint slide of the semester to reference a month-old internet trend. The professor, Angela Withers, who teaches health policy at the University of Melbourne, finished up her final lecture of the semester with a PowerPoint slide that contained nothing but the University of […]

Students enrolled in UNIB10019 Italian Patisserie were dismayed to discover last week that the soothing voice of their professor was in fact Amazon Alexa in disguise. The virtual assistant spent the lecture reading paragraphs directly off the slides in lieu of Professor Hopkins, who was ill that day.

Progress on the University of Melbourne’s new student precinct has hit something of a snag, with construction disturbing a long-dormant subterranean horror underneath the campus.

In a pathetic attempt to salvage as much of his unavoidably dismal tutorial participation mark as possible, local dropkick John Lin has reportedly leapt at the opportunity to answer the easiest of seven tutorial questions.

The creature has shot to sixth place in Australian Geographic’s annual dangerous australian wildlife rankings, Fuck There’s Some Scary Shit in This Country.

They are foreboding, menacing figures. They inspire fear in the hearts of innocent, broke students and clueless baby boomers alike. They prey especially on the young, the vulnerable, the disorganised, and those generally having a shit day. The thought of being approached by a Metro ticket inspector inspires terrifying nightmares in every Melbourne public transport […]

1. Extend your study: If you never finish studying, it’s never time to enter full time employment!