FARRAGO

A University spokesperson announced on Monday that wearing ear masks will be mandatory for all members of the University executive committee in order to slow the spread of student complaints reaching their ears.

A local woman was horrified to find herself cradling the smallest hopeful spark following this dumpster fire of a year. In the wake of what has felt like a decade’s worth of tragedies and misfortunes crammed into one year, the idea of optimism felt so foreign to the former glass-half-full-er that its presence startled her to tears.

A video featuring an area man named Dick Wiener (54) yelling racist epithets has recently gained prominence on social media. Wiener, whose arms and legs are heavily tattooed with neo-Nazi symbols, is seen enthusiastically making white power gestures at the camera with one hand while pulling a tiny Shih Tzu somewhat tightly by its leash with the other.

Pinned Discussions Introductions: Please introduce yourself here. Imogen: Hi everyone! I’ll be first cab off the rank. I might not know you, but I’m sure you know me. How can I be so sure? I’m the person who has been answering every post on the discussion boards. And I’m no slouch, so I like to […]

After transitioning to remote work during COVID-19 restrictions, HR manager Richie Monaco (39) was stunned to discover how much domestic labour his wife quietly performs every day. “Honestly, mate, I thought there wasn’t much for her to do,” confessed an exhausted Monaco during a Zoom interview with Farrago, rocking a newborn with his left hand […]

PARKVILLE—Local student and identical twin Simon Whitaker, 21, confirmed on Monday that he has discovered the secret to a perfect work-life balance. “It’s taken a few years of trial and error, but we—pardon me—I have finally struck gold and come across the best way to balance all my competing commitments,” boasted the at-peace Whitaker to […]

Local punters at Flinders Street Station were stunned today as a fellow traveller moved through the gate without pausing or stopping. “It was amazing,” one baffled onlooker commented. “She aimed at one boomgate the whole way in, and that was actually the one she went through. She had money on her card and everything. No […]

Do you find communicating with your peers difficult? Is the burden of individual expression… burdensome? Would you rather spend your time critiquing the failings of others without exposing yourself to the same threat?
Help is here. With Languagely, never again will you have to think about how to express yourself effectively.

In the final, stressful minute before his literature assignment is due, Arts student Wes Wednesday is cool as a cucumber after realising that time does not, in fact, exist.

A local man has today been left wondering where it all went wrong after he messaged a group chat hoping to grab some beers tonight, but was instead served absolute donuts.