Nonfiction

All Aboard(game)

30 April 2013

Ticket to Ride

Ever wish you could have been a part of the glorious, forward-thinking days of the Industrial Revolution? Well, crack open Ticket to Ride, crank up Kraftwerk’s Trans-Europe Express and start building them choo-choos! The luxuriously large board starts as a beautifully illustrated map of whichever edition you’re playing (for example, Europe), but is soon criss-crossed with train lines as you build throughout the game. It’s great for a dinner party or double-ate, but take heed–many a relationship has been dashed on the rocks of this surprisingly brutal game. Putting down your own trains in the middle of his line may signal the beginning of the end for more than just his Paris-to-Kiev master route. ‘Paris-to-Kev master route’ is also an excellent all-purpose euphemism, so, you know, bonus,

PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU’RE:

Much like a German land-baron: calm, patient, yet ruthless when the time comes. Strategy is key!

Settlers of Catan

Ah, Catan! A land of prosperity, promise, and broken dreams. You, a brave pioneer, need only collect enough resources and outsmart the other settlers and your Little House on the Prairie dreams will soon come true. But be warned! Resources are limited, and failure to roll the right number on the dice can leave you deserted in the wilderness while your opponents build mighty fortifications! This is a classic and a great one for family bonding-times, given the bargaining and trading involved. Just try not to become too drunk with power when you’ve collected all the sheep.

PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU’RE:

Curious, level-headed, and have a sense of adventure.

Atmosphere

Don’t play this game if you have a heart condition or a weak bladder because it is fucking intense. A popular VHS-and-board-game-combo in the 90s, it’s recently been released with a DVD and is terrifyingly fun. The format is your standard roll-the-dice affair, but it;s the Gamekeeper–demonic and warty, with a Dracula-esque accent–who makes the game so hilarious. He will interrupt you, and change the rules. People have been known to completely lose their shit as the lock ticks on. Towards the end, you must make your way to the Well of Fears to face you GREATEST FEAR. What happens next? I’ll let you experience that for yourself!

PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU’RE:

Reckless and imaginative. Try to immerse yourself as much as possible–it’s all about creating the ATMOSPHERE.

Guillotine

The year: 1793. The setting: revolution-ravaged Paris. You are a budding young revolutionary, your heart spurred by the ideals of liberté, égalité, fraternité… and an insatiable thirst for the blood of the French nobility. This simple yet strategic card game gives you three days to lop off maximum noggins. Top points for killing Marie Antoinette! Be sure to perfect your guillotine sound-effect when it’s your turn to bring down the blade for added revolutionary realism. Ssssssssshing!

PLAY THIS GAME IF YOU’RE:

Cunning, interested in the gorier side of life, and in possession of a sense of humour. Socialist Alternative members may particularly enjoy their chance to finally be part of the action they’re always talking about.


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