1. I hate how you flounce around in universities in packs, with this grand confidence now that you’re all grown up.

2. I hate how you think clubs and societies sausage sizzles are god’s gift to society.

3. I hate how you wear heels and tiny-winsey miniskirts to university in May.

4. I hate how you get wasted at 12pm on a Tuesday and then rock up to a tute only to declare the most absurd absolutist statements with total, unabashed confidence.

5. I hate how when talking to perfect strangers sitting next to you in lectures you slip in the fact that you received a 50 in VCE literature.

6. I hate how you will talk for hours about how one MUST do Europe, and how you can afford to do a month hopping through the continent, yet you can’t afford to move out of your parents’ home.

7. I hate how you think mixed netball is the best thing since sliced bread.

8. I hate how you are a passionate Greens supporter, yet can’t seem to name a single one of their policies. And how you rally against the treatment of refugees yet you have never actually met one.

9. I hate how you loudly and obnoxiously describe to your pals how you got so totally hammered on South Lawn yesterday after experiencing your very first cider.

10. I hate how your jersey shirt and denim cut offs scream Top Shop, when you clearly, and desperately, want them to cry op-shop.