Nonfiction

10 Times Buzzfeed Gives You Life

2 July 2015

  1. When you just HAVE to know what will happen when girls lift weights with their vaginas

Women Try Vaginal Weightlifting For The First Time” is not a headline I ever expected to read. Yet I did, and I read the article, and I watched the entire accompanying video. It was great.

 

  1. When they post recipe after recipe that all involve some kind of combination of sugar, complex carbs and fat

I’m all for health. I love quinoa, and I would even agree a little with Gwyneth Paltrow when she said she would rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. But sometimes you just want some goddamn browned butter Nutella-stuffed brownies. And, my friends, Buzzfeed is here for you.

 

  1. When you are invited to marvel at your own insignificance amidst the infinite expanse of space and time

Alongside “OMG BRITISH MEN!” and “OMG FOOD!”, one of my favourite Buzzfeed categories is the “OMG SPACE!” category. So many pretty pictures, so many existential crises, so little time.

 

  1. Every time they remind you that Taylor Swift is #flawless and we are not worthy

Ah, Taylor. The Buzzfeed staff love her. I love her. And whether or not you’re mature enough to admit it, you love her too. Whatever she’s doing, whether it’s getting another fifty awards, hanging out with every cool celebrity known to mankind or going for a walk, Buzzfeed will make sure you never miss even the smallest tidbit of goss. I can guarantee you’ll find at least four articles about the lovely lady at any one given time on the Buzzfeed homepage.

 

  1. When you need answers to some preeettty personal questions but are too shy to actually go and ask someone who might know the answers

I’m not going to deny that I have clicked on more than one Buzzfeed article entitled something like “What Is Your Pee Trying To Tell You?” or “Sex Q&A: Is My Vagina Too Tight?” Buzzfeed’s casual, comfortable style means you never feel awkward. All the articles are written in consultation with people who do know what they’re talking about, and it’s actually very reassuring to know that you’re not the only one wondering about this weird shit.

 

  1. When you need a blast from the past

Nostalgia (a.k.a. the agony of being made to feel old) is a Buzzfeed specialty. Ever wondered what Miranda and the little brother from Lizzie McGuire look like now? Wonder no more! Want a list of things turning twenty this year? Okay. On the plus side, want to remind yourself that Simon from Play School was actually a bit of a babe? Here you go.

 

  1. When The Try Guys do anything

The Try Guys are a bunch of lovable, humorous, American men. Buzzfeed likes to expand their horizons and torture them with anything from sending them to a BDSM convention to labour pains simulation. Hilarity ensues – for us, not for them.

 

  1. When they provide hours of procrastination in the form of pointless yet endlessly entertaining quizzes

“Why, yes, I have an essay due tomorrow that’s worth 50% of my final mark, but I really have to know which dinosaur I should have sex with.” Oh yes, that’s a real Buzzfeed quiz. And don’t pretend you don’t want to know which one you’d get.

 

  1. When you stumble across something actually rather profound

Let’s get one thing straight: Buzzfeed is not the New York Times. But, you know what? It doesn’t pretend to be. And despite not being known for it, Buzzfeed has produced its fair share of thought-provoking material. Case in point – when city-dwelling meat eaters were taken to a poultry farm and asked to kill the chickens they would then eat for lunch. A confronting and revealing way of opening discussions that the mainstream media wouldn’t even bother to touch.

 

  1. When you just need some cat GIFs

Ahhh, the good ol’ cat GIF. It just never gets old. Buzzfeed has identified a market (everyone who has used the Internet ever) and like the committed promoter of happiness it is, commits itself to providing the highest quality cat GIFs you can find. Collected from all over the Internet (usually just stolen from Tumblr), they are vetted by Buzzfeed’s Cat GIF Quality Evaluation Team (I don’t actually know if this exists but if it does I want to be a part of it) and condensed into one handy link. Instant bliss.

 

Bless you, Buzzfeed. Never change.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *