Counsel In Couplets: Too Many Boosts

25 February 2016

FROM: Mary F, Melbourne East

“Hi Nick, it’s only Thursday and I’ve already bought nine Boosts this week. Help!”


It all starts with that one inevitable drink:

“Why not get a Passion Mango smoothie?” you think.

After two hours of French and then chemistry,

Your body is screaming out, “Get Boost, I’m thirsty!”

You intend to save some money and get a small

But you end up with a large, ‘cause you want it all.

Six dollars ninety: a small fortune for crushed fruit

But it’s all that will get you through your next tute.

More than your bank statement,

you’re selling your soul –

A deadly addiction leaving you on the dole.

Enticed by the attractive teens in visor caps,

You’ve fallen into another corporate trap.

This destructive cycle: it has gone on for weeks

And without that vivid lime logo, each day is bleak.

The only way out lies in finding cheaper bevs –

Warm chai from the Food Co­op

or coffee from Lot Sevs.

Pretend you belong to the Eng Society,

Free cider from Christian Club for feigned piety.

Drink from the sprinklers

that fill the Systems Garden

Steal distilled water, sneak it past the lab warden.

Stinge money off friends

and have them buy you a drink,

Or, quite simply, fill your bottle up at a sink.

After all, water is always a fine option,

Although lacking the flavour

of Boost’s concoctions.

Look to your friends:

they’ll get you through these hard times

After all, a love for Boost beats snorting crack lines.

Every week attend Boost Addicts Anonymous,

Rally against this company nefarious.

And soon you’ll celebrate a month sans Kiwi Crush

Slowly purging yourself of that sugary mush.

So, dearest Mary, I have faith in your resolve

Yes, Boost is evil, but this problem you can solve.



Have a woe you can’t let go?


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