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KEEP RIGHT

21 March 2016

In a statement on Thursday, staff at the Baillieu Library confirmed that the “Keep Right” sign on the stairwell was put there just because they wanted to fuck with students.

“It’s a tricky situation when you come across someone walking in the other direction than you on a stairwell,” said Kerry Wyman, who has been a librarian for two decades.

“But before Helen had the idea to put up the sign, everybody just handled it the same as everywhere else on campus – by keeping left. We have found that around half of people notice and obey the sign, while the other half either don’t notice it or just don’t give a shit. Either way, it increases awkward moments on the stairwell by at least 150 per cent.”

Wyman also admitted that the placement of power outlets that are nowhere near desks was also Helen’s idea.

“I just love to see students reduced to sitting on the floor around exam time,” she said, her eyes glinting with satisfaction.

 


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