Campus

Four Things You’ve Done After a Year in Inner-North Melbourne

27 September 2016

When I first decided to move to inner-north Melbourne, I knew I was setting myself up for a life of brunches, bicycles and burgers. I expected some of the clichés that my friends and family had told me about but I never knew just how many of them would ring true. In light of this cliché confirming, I feel pretty qualified to advise you on a few of the things you’ll have found yourself doing this year.

  1. Trying to rationalise moving out of your parents’ house

If you live the much-romanticised share house life, you’ll know a thing or two about exorbitant rent prices. The good news is that the higher the rent, the more pleasure you get when complaining about it to others. You can’t put a price on that. At least a share house life allows you to truly get to know Melbourne better: I bet half the reason you know your suburb so well has come from one of many Hamish Blake spotting hunts. If you’re part of the contingent of public transport-takers, you have definitely played tram inspector roulette throughout the year. Why do this? Does it stem from insufficient funds or a fundamental distrust of authority? Do you need a thrill every morning just to feel alive?

  1. Your vague attempts to redefine yourself

Outside of uni, I’m sure you were keen to take on some quirky new Melbourne hobbies in your first year. I know I did. Armed with a new op-shop film camera and a vague concept of aesthetics, how was hitting the streets to find the true Melbourne through film? Was it more authentic? I’m confident that you pulled one too many #crafternoons during your first semester, too. Now, at the end of the year, there’s no shame in admitting that a room full of DIY bunting and desk succulents aren’t the be-all end-all of interior design. It’s also totally fine that you didn’t end up going to any of the second-hand vintage clothing warehouse sales you said you were ‘interested’ in on Facebook. We all get through our Savers/Vinnies phase eventually. The one thing I hope you haven’t done this year is thrown away your trusty mountain bike just because everyone else has got a sleek, urban single-gear. 

  1. Throwing yourself into the Melbourne ‘scene’ 

If inner-north Melburnians had their own sport, it would be talking about wanting to go to places that they have no intention of actually going to. I know you’ve been guilty of this. It’s just cultural assimilation to never actually go to that “cool rooftop bar”. Don’t sweat it! I’m never going to Naked for Satan. You’ve also definitely stuck to nights out in your own suburb. That’s called convenience. Never mind that Melbourne is quite small and has a great transport system, the city is definitely “too far man”. Wherever you have been out though, you’ve definitely been privy to that one fanatic in the smokers hell-bent on extolling the virtues of rolled darts. I hope you indulged them; they were only making conversation.

  1. Becoming the 19 year-old equivalent of Matt Preston

One of the most common scams I found when it comes to student eating is simple in its genius. You go along for the great meal deals, only to be destroyed by the expensive drinks – we all get foiled by our own alcoholism in first year. Becoming a coffee snob is also part and parcel of the first year experience. In Semester One, you must have laughed at the hipsters in asking if cafés roasted their own beans. Now I bet you wouldn’t dream of betraying your favourite roaster. But the snobbery doesn’t just extend to coffee. You’ve probably eaten so much inner-north gelato that you practically consider yourself the ice cream world equivalent of a sommelier. But I’m convinced that all of this pales in comparison to the brunch habit you’ve developed in your first year. It’s okay to have had nightmares about avocado shortages, it’s happened to all of us.