How To

How To: Exploit the Uni for All It’s Worth

5 July 2017

Does anyone else pay their SSAF at the start of the year and completely forget to take advantage of the free goodies provided by the university? As students, we pay a ridiculous amount for not only classes, but every other cost associated with being a student. So why not take advantage of all these things we’re paying for? Free food, stationary, chairs and tables, a projector. Anything that isn’t glued down or attached to a wall is fair game. We pay our fees, why not make the most of them?

Raid the Bathrooms

There’s an abundance of bathrooms on the Parkville campus alone, with a wide variety of goodies at your fingertips. Why waste time (and money) getting ready at home before uni when you can duck to the bathrooms before or between classes. The hand dryers make great hair dryers and a lot of the sinks are a lovely bath size. Some of the bathrooms even have foamy hand soap – fancy.
But if getting ready at uni isn’t really your thing, there are plenty of items you can take home. Toilet paper, hand towels, you could even fill up your empty water bottle with the fancy foamy hand soap. Your friends will think you are living in absolute luxury.

Free food, constantly

If there is one thing that you can take advantage of on campus, it’s the free food. Whether it’s Tuesday BBQ’s at North Court or Welfare breakfasts, there is plenty of money to be saved on free food. Why not go a step further and join every club, ever, for the events with free food? Not only will you be making new friends, you will be doing it with a slice of pizza in hand!
Make a weekly schedule and plan out your food opportunities so you never miss a meal on campus. Better yet, schedule your classes around the free food. I challenge you to not have to buy groceries all week!


Not many people realise how much free shit you can get at o-week. It’s just rows and rows of marquees filled with free things that are yours for the taking. And don’t even get me started on the show bags and prizes you can get if you give them an email address, it doesn’t even have to be a real one! Collect an assortment of chocolate and lollies to get you through those back to back classes. The ping pong sets and blow up balloons you can win make perfect entertainment for house parties. You might even collect enough pens and stationery to start your own Kikki K store.

Free Concerts and Entertainment

There are free events happening nearly every day at Parkville. This gives you so many excuses to skip class, especially when you can listen to lectures at double speed online. The line-up of much loved bands the play every Tuesday mean you’ll never have to pay to see a gig again, and you get free food! The abundance of free movie nights mean you won’t have to take on the Monday night madness that is Nova’s half price movie night. There are also lots of clubs which allow you to learn new skills such as photography and juggling. Better yet, force your friends to come along and watch them fail, which is a whole other form of entertainment.

Explore the campuses

There is so much happening around campus, we often forget about the grounds themselves. Take a self-guided tour of every library, study on every patch of grass on campus. Heck, try walking from the very top of Parkville to the bottom. That’s guaranteed to waste a couple of hours. And why pay for a holiday when you can venture out to the other campuses. Travel to the VCA and listen to some quality tunes wafting from closed doors. Burnley’s gardens rival those of Central Park and don’t get me started on their living green roofs. And if you are visiting Parkville for the first time, well, just don’t get lost.

Whether it’s a slice of pizza, a roll of toilet paper, or a complete campus tour, you are now ready to take full advantage of the university’s offerings. Just remember to have fun, stay safe and don’t get caught.

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