Breaking (the) News

Commerce Faculty Nabs Landmark Puffer Jacket Deal

22 September 2017

After months of deliberation, money spent, and socialists held at bay, the 2017 Commerce faculty has cemented a deal with The North Face, which will see the popular ‘puffer jacket’ become a mandatory uniform for all Commerce students over the next five years.

This deal marks the end of a uniform overhaul that started three years ago, when Rolex watches, tan-coloured chinos and R.M. Williams boots were all quietly ushered into the official Commerce student uniform.

President of the Commerce Students Society, Timothy Anglo, was quick to address the landmark deal, as students congregated on South Lawn to celebrate in an exclusive ceremony.

“Look, in the end it came down to one question: can we be snug and smug?” Anglo asked.

In between sips of Barossa Valley chardonnay, shouts of ‘”hurrah,” “jolly good show,” and “Dad’s picking me up in his Bentley,” were heard amidst the sound of croquet sticks being swung through an air of reverence that quickly swamped the campus.

The momentous occasion was quickly overrun by ex-private school students wanting to showcase their blazers – something the president of the club quickly condemned.

“It’s just a shame that on such a day of momentous significance for puffer jackets, some network-hungry individuals have chosen to undermine what this day should represent,” Anglo said, fastening his Old Scotch tie.

The celebration almost turned sour when Arts students walking past mistook the event for a Trump rally, and began a counter-protest.

This landmark deal sent rumours swirling that the Arts faculty would now begin to seal a similar sherpa jacket sponsorship deal. Likewise, the Science faculty’s push for Crocs to be part of their own official uniform looks set to materialise.

Once only considered a fashion pipe-dream, these two deals have quickly come to the fore as genuine possibilities heading into the last half of the academic year.

Farrago asked President of the Arts Students Society, Rain Chaelattie, about the possibility of such a deal during a smoke break just outside South Lawn.

“Sherpa jackets aren’t really a clothing item, they’re more of a philosophy,” Chaelattie told Farrago, before extinguishing a cigarette on his denim jeans – allegedly handpicked from Savers just hours before.

“So, no, we will not be knocking down the doors of Levi’s anytime soon.”

The president of the Science Student Society refused to leave a computer lab for comment.

‘Breaking (the) News’ is Farrago’s satire column and is not to be taken seriously.

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