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The Grub

Disturbing Study Ranks Unimelb Below RMIT In Instagrammable Locations

13 February 2018

A study conducted by the Student Union for Instagram Welfare (SUIW) has sent ripples through the UniMelb community after RMIT was given a higher rating in terms of Instagrammable locations. The University was quick to respond to the damning findings, releasing a social media official to make a press statement. Farrago‘s The Grub was in attendance.

“The University of Melbourne has always been more than a business. We maintain an active interest in the likes of our students, and we have to take a good look at ourselves.”

“Yes, you have Arts West and the Old Quadrangle as two strong, reliable set pieces. Arguably The Spot from certain angles,” said the official. “But for students looking to put out aesthetic, university-related content on a periodic basis, it’s just not a sustainable number of locations. There’s just a lack of variety in atmosphere, plain and simple.”

“When we take a look at what RMIT does right, you can see a holistic approach to gramming that we don’t have at the moment. With the RMIT campus, you’ve got a collection of distinct buildings, each with a diverse set of colours, textures and shapes. They’ve essentially set up a system where students can be utilising each building for three, even four consecutive instas. Their students can approach their gramming schedule with a great sense of ease and comfort, and it’s well established that comfort is strongly linked to overall post quality.”

When asked about ways they would move forward, the spokesperson said the university’s outlook was “sober and pragmatic”.

“We’ve got great space, and that leaves us no excuse. From an infrastructure point of view, we’re planning doubling fees for international students and building some artsy facades. In the meantime, we’re looking at teaching our students to use what they’ve got more effectively.”

When asked to elaborate, the official had much to say. “We’ve got to start by uprooting the established culture, and just eradicating the tolerance of low quality that has set in over time.”

“There are just some fundamental truths we see being ignored too often. No, you cannot disregard the rule of thirds. No, you cannot take a good picture under overcast skies. No, you cannot incorporate any of the maths and physics buildings no matter how inventive the angle because they will inevitably look fucking hideous.”

“We’d like to make it clear this isn’t about diminishing what RMIT has managed to accomplish. This is about bettering ourselves in light of what they’ve achieved, and hopefully exceeding that in the spirit of raising the standard for generations to come” added the official.

“Postera crescam laude.”

 
Headline and article by Joel Lee.


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