the grub

Student Retaking Failed Subject Walks Into Tute Like He Knows Fucking Everything

23 February 2018
Student Retaking Failed Subject Walks Into Tute Like He Knows Fucking Everything

Sam Harris (23) re-entered his African Drumming and Dance tutorial in the latest possible time slot on a Tuesday with such boldness you’d be amazed to discover that he absolutely tanked the subject last semester.

When asked about his completely unearned confidence in taking the subject a second time he remarked, “I know that I only showed up to the minimum number of tutorials, did none of the readings, listened to a third of the lectures on double speed and submitted both assignments ten days late, but I think I know what I’m talking about.”

During the class, Sam was happy to talk absolute shit about the sociocultural influence he assumes his “WAM Booster” of a breadth subject has in the world.

“What a lot of people don’t understand, especially beginners to the art form, is that the drumming functions linguistically, and underpins the whole movement … I think … or maybe that was the function of the voice, I honestly can’t remember,” he recalls as he aggressively lectures another student.

When asked if he would put in more work this semester given his pathetic performance last year, he remarked, “Well the way I see it, I’ve already done half the work—or 30 per cent of the work if you go by my grade. So really if I just do what I did last semester then I should at least be angling for a 60 per cent.”

He continued, “I don’t have any notes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about, of course I do, I’ve done it all before.”

“It’s like Groundhog Day except I’m on academic probation and in even more debt.”

 
Headline by Joel Lee.
Article by Alex Shermon.


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