The Grub

Total Dropkick Desperately Tries To Get Picked For The One Tute Question He Can Answer

23 April 2018

In a pathetic attempt to salvage as much of his unavoidably dismal tutorial participation mark as possible, local dropkick John Lin has reportedly leapt at the opportunity to answer the easiest of seven tutorial questions.

Prior to making an uncharacteristic appearance in the subject’s week-seven tutorial, Lin began to frantically skim the week’s main reading, making slapdash mental notes of anything underlined, bolded, or at the end of a long paragraph.

“I mean, obviously it would be great to have read all of the readings and understand them within the context of not only of this week’s lectures but also the subject’s bigger picture,” Lin told The Grub. “But unfortunately, I didn’t manage to catch this week’s lecture. I’m a bit behind on lectures actually, but I’ll catch up soon, don’t worry.”

On seeing that the first question written on the board was to simply summarise four important principles, Lin reportedly thrust his hand into the air with incredible fervour.

“You know, you just gotta show that you’re enthusiastic about the subject to get that rapport with your tutor,” said Lin of his eagerness, immediately before being asked by the tutor whether he was in the right class.

On his selection, Lin was said to let out a small sigh of relief, followed by several verbose, recursive definitions delivered in between glances at his computer screen. However, Lin’s thin veil of apparent competence was shattered in the second half of the tutorial, where the tutor formed four groups and tasked each with analysing a section of the reading.

“Um, yeah, I’m not really on top of this week’s stuff to be honest,” stammered Lin to his more knowledgeable groupmates. “You guys might have to do the heavy lifting on this one, haha.”

The Grub reached out to Eve Nguyen, one of Lin’s unfortunate groupmates, for comment.

“Yeah we kinda knew we were one team member down from the start,” admitted Nguyen. “We had to tell him the definitions of some week-two concepts as well as the tutor’s name. Also, he asked us at the start whether this was the right classroom.”

“Yeah, ahaha, sorry,” stuttered a flustered Lin upon leaving. “I’ll be up to date next by next tute, don’t worry.”

Headline and article by Joel Lee.

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