satire

A Bunch of Reviews

21 November 2018

Farrago is ecstatic to announce that we will be publishing a novel for the first time this summer. The Catastrophic Fantasy by Kangli Hu comes out on 26 December. Get your advance copy today for just $99.99. Take a look at what people are saying below!

‘Kangli bribed me $2000 to read a draft in January, and I still haven’t gotten past his first chapter, so that should tell you something about the quality of this contraption of pages which should never be dignified with the title “novel”.’ — Jesse Paris-Jourdan

‘Every writer must grapple with the future of publishing in the 21st century. It’s not enough that a novel should have pretty prose, strong ideas, compelling characters and a tight plot. It also needs to somehow serve the community. Accordingly, we will be publishing Kangli’s awful debut effort to prove to everyone a basic truth. If a writer this incompetent can get published, you can accomplish anything.’ —Ashleigh Barraclough

‘When I got to the part where he dropped the narrative entirely and started drawing his favourite flowers, I flung the thing out the window.’ —Janet Cooke

The Catastrophic Fantasy is as catastrophic as the name suggests. Sitting through the rhythmless prose is like bouncing along in a carriage down an unpaved road; trying to make sense of the nonexistent plot is like trying to understand how your little brother beat you in noughts-and-crosses. It’s realism without soul and fantasy without aspiration.’ —Matt Wojczys

‘Every time you turn a page, your IQ gets slashed in half. Last month I had a deal with a world-famous publisher. After reading Kangli’s work, I now struggle to spell my own name.’ —Madeline Bailey

‘Here’s a tip for reading Kangli’s work. Whatever he says, assume he meant the opposite. That’s the only way you can get through the infuriating mistakes, fallacies, and misrepresentations. Example: he calls himself my best friend, but I’m actually his worst enemy. In fact, I moved to Sydney last year just to avoid him.’ —Stephanie Zeng

‘Kangli is rude, ugly, lazy, selfish, arrogant; he laughs in the middle of his jokes, he double dips his chips; he picks his nose and eats it, he posts his mug shots and asks for likes. Don’t buy his book.’ —Greer Sunderland

‘In the Bachelor of Arts (Creative Writing) at Melbourne University, I’ve had the pleasure of teaching many bright, inquisitive, enthusiastic students. The fresh ideas of the new generation inspire me every day. Unfortunately, you also have to teach Kangli Hu. That’s why I’m retiring after this year.’ —Kevin Brophy

‘When I was teaching Kangli, I had to beg him not to show me his novel. Unfortunately, for someone so lazy, he’s amazingly persistent at spamming your inbox. One day he slyly disguised his story as a doctor’s note, and my eyes haven’t been the same since. I’ve had to apply for long-term leave because of that little shit.’ —Simon West

‘Get your fucking mic out of my face, I don’t want to review your book.’ —Martin Amis

‘Puerile. Remarkably puerile. Why is there a personal resume stuck in the middle of the novel? It’s embarrassing. “Getting all 151 original Pokémon into the Hall of Fame” is not a worthy achievement. I’ve done it with 807; get on my level.’ —Julia Gillard

‘The most aggravating thing about Kangli’s novel has to be his aimless listicles. Worse, he insists on calling them poems. Kangli, you have to really lose yourself if you want to write a poem, you can’t just include your shopping lists.’ —Eminem

‘This book is trash, and the person who wrote it is trash too.’ —LeBron James

‘Let me tell you about the very shit writers. They are different from you and me. They desire and love themselves, and it does something to them, makes them cold where we are kind, and resentful where we are cheerful, in a way that, unless your name is Kangli Hu, it is very difficult to understand.’ —F. Scott Fitzgerald

‘Is it flattering how much praise I’ve been getting? No, I deserve it. Every so often, the world has the pleasure of bowing at the feet of a genius. People have compared me to Zadie Smith, which is very embarrassing. (For her, not me). Leonardo da Vinci, Ludwig van Beethoven, Albert Einstein: these were my closest peers, but with this remarkable effort, I have stamped my name in the stars above them.’ —Kangli Hu


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