satire

Is My Tutor Flirting with Me or Does He Just Want Me To Do the SES?

12 March 2019

It’s the age old, end-of-semester question: is your cute tutor from PSYC20006 vying for your affections before you move onto PSYC30013 and split ways forever, or is he just trying to get you to complete the Student Experience Survey?

Sure, it’s tough to tell sometimes, but, if you’ve ever heard any of these before, we’ve got news for you: Cupid has finally shot his arrow your way!

“Make sure you start studying for the exam early, so you can take out a few minutes to do the SES.”

Even though he says this to the whole 2:20pm tutorial group, you know he’s trying to just avoid coming on too strong to you. And the way he says it is SO not in the regular ‘it’s week 12’ sort of way, but in the way that says ‘I care about your future, baby. I want the best for you, not just in your academia, but in your mental health. Relax that brain, baby girl.’

“Historically, it is the information gathered from the SES, that myself, and many other tutors, use to shape the teaching methods we use in forthcoming years.”  

Aw! He wants you to know that he’s a forward thinking guy! He’s so the type you could bring home to your folks. They’re obviously going to fall in love with his long-term mindset. Your dad will be raving to you about what a ‘well-intentioned man’ he is after he meets him at Sunday brunch!

“Look. I’ve got chocolates. Vegan ones too, if anyone needs them. Just fill out the fucking thing now and I’ll give you some. For fuck’s sake”

A MAN THAT LOOKS OUT FOR YOUR DIETARY REQUIREMENTS?! HE WANTS TO FUCK YOUR VEGAN ASS, EMILY.

Now, go on, make your move and enjoy your semester break knowing that you’ve found love.


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