The Fairytale Gazette: Part 3

7 May 2019

Cinderella sued by stepfamily under defamation

Cinderella’s step family claim that they are being shunned and avoided in society for being “unnecessarily cruel” to Cinderella once the official story about her childhood treatment was released.

They also claim that they have been portrayed as petty as people immediately pointed to them as the accusers in the following backlash.

Cinderella’s claim to the throne as the rightful princess contested

A couple of women have come forward with claims to the famous glass slipper which has gone missing according to official reports, presenting their feet as their evidence. Most of the women seem to have feet that fit perfectly into a detailed replica.

“It’s absolutely inconceivable.” A royal commentator said, “I can’t believe that someone could have the same sized feet. It’s unheard of for anyone except Cinderella to have perfectly dainty size six feet.”

There are a number of people recorded with the same sized feet in the kingdom’s census, particularly in Cinderella’s generation, but it is rather dubious how only Cinderella was found to perfectly match the glass slipper.

Statistically, our analysts found that there would be some duplicating of women if the Prince just focused on feet size alone.

“There’s a conspiracy I tell you.” One of the women claims, “the royal entourage claims to have visited every household and Cinderella was the only one found to have the same sized feet. I bet that they found themselves too high and mighty to walk along the streets and ask any destitute or homeless women that could have benefitted from the Prince’s love.”

However, there are many that still jump to the defence of Cinderella and of the method in how she was chosen.

“There is a lot to measure in a foot that would determine if the shoe fits,” A shoe expert says, “there’s the width of the foot, length, size of the heel, shape and slope of the toes as well as a whole host of other factors. The final deciding factor would have to be whether it is comfortable for the woman to wear. It takes a certain kind of effortless poise, a regal bearing, a light temperament and princess-like disposition to carry oneself on glass.”

Many also call “bollocks” on the myth that the prince didn’t recognise Cinderella from the ball and relied on a superficial method of choice.


The sleeping beauties: bringing an end to the oppressive ‘hundred years’ of sleep

It turns out scientists have been secretly trying to break the sleep for many years, way before the tourists trampled the site as previously speculated.

Queen Briar Rose and her new husband have recently honoured the researchers and the doctors who analysed and helped bring an end to the hundred years of sleep with a new breakthrough.

The unidentified woman mentioned in the last edition has officially been reported as the queen herself. She was only one of the few who have made a quick recovery. Others are slowly being aroused.

Sleeper city, as it had been nicknamed by foreigners since inhabitants were unconscious when explorers discovered them after cutting through the notorious Thorned Forest, has awoken. It has been an interesting phenomenon for the researchers to document the remarkable preservation of the citizens, with ageing being freezed in its tracks.

For the purposes of refreshing people’s memories on the important events since no one was awake for all those years, the Fairytale Gazette has rifled through the classified archives that have been forced open for media use by the Queen.

The archives reveal that a wise woman was found to be at fault for inducing the great sleep. This traitorous woman, who was convicted of attempted murder by concocting a sleeping potion, denied the allegations and any knowledge of the composition of the potion, which made it difficult for scientists to analyse in the attempt to find an antidote.

Previous attempts to wake up the city had been unsuccessful

In the hundred years, the woman has now rotted in prison due to old age as well as neglect from the guards, who are unable to fulfil their duties having overslept for a century.

It has been difficult to collect any data in those hundred years to determine if a pattern has emerged, but it appears that since everyone woke up simultaneously, their sleep cycles are in sync. Scientifically, it seems almost natural, a sleep evolution if you will, rather than the work of a ‘vengeful’ and ‘envious’ old woman.

What it does reveal is that everyone’s brain shut down at the same time in our kingdom and puts some doubt over the responsibility of the wise woman who may have been wrongly imprisoned for what appears to be a natural, albeit odd, event.

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