The Fairytale Gazette: Part 4

20 June 2019

Notice to readers

The promised story on the legal case surrounding the Golden Queen (famous for turning straw into silver and gold) has been suppressed by the courts. We are currently fighting the decision and are hoping to cover it in our next edition.


Treasure hunters are being called on to search for the famed magic lamp. The winner will receive his weight in gold and years of prestige. Lamp must be returned and don’t bother asking for three wishes as you can’t. It is just a normal lamp with sentimental value but if you are found to have attempted to extract the wishes which don’t exist, you will be slaughtered on sight…

Rewards await you.


Gangland Pork and Turf

Police have confirmed that there has been a murder in the Wilds which is believed to be linked to a land dispute between a wolf and a few nomadic pigs.

The wolf living there at the time claimed to have the right to remove the temporary dwellings built by the Pig Brother Triplets.

The two have long opposed each other and have gained support in both factions, and this has caused chaos in the region.

Neither faction has accepted responsibility.

Main headline

Cloaked Gran-napping

A missing person report has been issued for the grandmother of the Riding-hood Family, prompting calls for protective measures for the elderly in the village.

The granddaughter raised the alarm this morning after the grandmother didn’t return home last night.

She was last seen wandering around town in the twilight carrying a lamp and told her granddaughter she would walk home on her own.

“She had just gifted me with her old tatty red cape that she always wears and just left.” the granddaughter said, “Usually it is easy to spot her in a crowd because of the cape but she gave it to me instead. I shouldn’t have left her alone.”

A search and rescue team has been dispatched with locals calling for tighter measures to restrain the elderly from moving independently for fear of a similar case occurring to another family.

It is suspected by authorities that the grandmother has been the victim of abduction.

“Wolf howls have become more common in the region.” The granddaughter said,” Poor granny always wandered off and was oblivious to the danger. She always insisted that she was sane. ‘No dear,’ she would say before waffling on about some nonsense about the forest being interesting. All I wanted was a granny who would be normal and give me stuff any girl would want, certainly not an old cape.”

Some locals are suspicious of the family’s role in the grandmother’s disappearance.

“It’s a common practice of the superstitious to leave the elderly alone to fend for themselves in the woods,” One sceptic said, “one less mouth to feed and it’s easy to blame the things in the forest.”

One grandfather who does not wish the Fairytale Gazette to name him, for fear of being abandoned, claimed that they were viewed as too old to contribute to society or to add their names to the exciting legends that would elevate their village.

“We’re too old to be of use to the village,” He said, “and nobody is willing to give us old timers a chance and many would rather we all die off, so resources can be distributed to the youngsters. They’d never admit that to the newspapers. Why do you think all the witches and wizards in stories are old people?”

When asked about his own family situation, the grandfather remained tight-lipped.

This account has yet to be verified but many locals have denied the allegations.

In fact, the granddaughter told the Fairytale Gazette she was “very insulted” by the rumours of her involvement.

“Who do you think ran around to look for Gran and make sure that her basket is always full of bread? Who carries supplies to Granny when she has her escapades in the woods and who risks their life each time on that dark path to follow that head full of folly?” The granddaughter argues, “We might be frustrated with our grandparents but that doesn’t mean we will give up on them…yet.”

The Grandmother’s description has been provided by the Riding-hood family to help in her recovery:

  • old
  • wrinkled
  • dazed
  • cape-less
  • witchy but not witchy

If anyone comes across this trouble-causing woman, please notify the relevant authorities of the case and the worried family.

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