satire

Local Man Ready to Give Up as Third Group Chat Message in a Row is Left on Seen

24 September 2019

A local man has today been left wondering where it all went wrong after he messaged a group chat hoping to grab some beers tonight, but was instead served absolute donuts.

It understood that the message, sent by Arnold Flux (20), follows a mildly edgy meme he sent which was met with a similarly icy reception. “Look, I’ll admit the AFL Shitposting meme was a bit of an airball. But I couldn’t just let that sit there being the last message in the chat, so I thought the beers offer would be a fairly safe crowd pleaser,” Mr Flux said. “And what do I get? F**ken seen-zoned.”

Sources close to Mr Flux reveal that this is not the first time he’s felt like he’s messaging brick walls, with his past 3 attempts to tee up a piss-up all being straight-batted back down the wicket.

“I actually would be pretty keen to get beers, but I’m more keen to see how mad he gets,” said Garry Pilson (20), a ‘mate’ of Flux’s. “I mean, we’ve all been there. I’m just glad it’s not me. Might even change his nickname to ‘Donut King’ and see how he takes it.”

As it turned out, Pilson did in fact change Flux name in the chat to Donut King, and Flux did not take it particularly well. “I want to kill him. I mean, at least it’s something of a reply, but honestly the nerve of the bloke—” Flux vented, before unleashing a few creative expletives. “But I can’t let him know he’s got under my skin. I’ve got to just laugh and go along with it,” he continued, as he sent a laughing-crying face emoji.

The emoji proceeded to be seen by everyone.

“F**k this.”


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