SATIRE: Creators of Avatar Feature New Hero, Who Just Really Likes Tea

23 March 2020

Water. Earth. Fire. Air. 

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the COVID-19 attacked. Only the Avatar, master of one and a half elements (water, and maybe fire if you count a kettle) could stop the pandemic. But when the world needed her most, she vanished. 

A few days have passed since #socialdistancing and we have discovered a new avatar. A tea-drinker named Elizabeth Charlotte Harriet Erry. Sometimes known as Beth C.H. Erry. Although she has an enormous collection of tea, she has a lot to learn about constantly asking people if “they would like a cup of tea” before she is ready to save anyone. Hint: no, Beth C. H. Erry, I don’t want tea right now. But I believe she can save the world. 

With the power of chamomile, this hero instils calm and serenity in fearful hearts. Her words are smooth, almost as if sweetened by honey. This power is reminiscent of the Twinings Camomile, Honey & Vanilla flavoured herbal infusion (buy a 10-pack for $2.70, this may or may not be a sponsored post). 

Carried on a cloud of peppermint, the new avatar hones her fighting skills like a knife against knife-sharpener. She packs a punch — to your digestive tract, that is! In a world diseased by jealousy, gluttony and bad architectural design, she is our saviour. If you were a human gut, she’s the antioxidant, anticancer, antibacterial and antiviral tea bag you need to survive. 

A vessel of stimulation and anti-inflammation, this oddly fruit-named protagonist is spicy like ginger tea. Oh? You thought you could talk over her in Avatar Council? Think again. Sucker. Pleb. Ginger-tea here can even relieve dysmenorrhea, which in fact, is not diarrhoea. It’s actually period pain, the symptoms of which are not dissimilar to what it’s like working with someone who doesn’t believe in wifi.  

Despite all this glory, no hero fights alone. In fact, this new avatar finds a gang of like-minded bandits. There’s Morals McPhee, a cunning and sharp-tongued spy. There’s Master Bookstagram, a wise soul with a penchant for poetry that’s missing capitalisation. There’s also Tits And Wits, whose name is pretty self-explanatory. Last but not least, trusty Fishsticks Triple-threat. The show writers got tired at this point. Sorry, Fishsticks Triple-threat, your time will come. Maybe next year, when you’re editor/avatar. 

The friends have opened their eyes to the chaotic energy in tea. They will do all they can to celebrate their hero, even though right now the avatar grocery stores are hectic and we need to practice good health habits. So maybe the avatar will have to be patient and wait a few days. Preferably at the avatar’s true home, the land of rocks that are black. 

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