satire

SATIRE: Sponsored post — Languagely

23 March 2020

Oh my god. I made a typo in my dating profile and now the cuties in my DMs want to correct me, not date me! How could this happen?

Do you find communicating with your peers difficult? Is the burden of individual expression… burdensome? Would you rather spend your time critiquing the failings of others without exposing yourself to the same threat?

Help is here. With Languagely, never again will you have to think about how to express yourself effectively. We will be in every email, Word document and personal letter. We’re here to comfortably nudge you into someone else’s vision of what the English language should bethe right vision.

Your peers cannot be trusted with subtlety. Languagely will make sure that your language is so bland that even the sentient cardboard cut-out that we will replace you with can understand it. Your non-criticisable sentences will also impress your boss and thwart online bullies. Take that, @YourMum69!

Never make a mistake again when you select your individualised self-expressions from a pre-approved list of sanctioned options. Our lists ensure the highest comprehension not only by your peers, but also the artificial intelligences that will make your future easier and brighter. 

Too busy to right-click and review your mistakes? That’s okay! Our ‘Hands off the Wheel’ setting means that our corrections will be made in real-time as you type. You’ll never have to address your mistakes again!

Are you ready to be ahead of the curve? Of all the new grammar correction services for online communication, only one will prevail. Humans have failed to clarify interpersonal communication for centuries. The time to cede responsibility to your technology is now! The battle lines have been drawn. Choose your side.

For 15% off a lifetime subscription, use the discount code ‘IYIELD’. Contact us for corporate, group and family discounts.

 

This has been a sponsored announcement.


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