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I Can’t Stop Talking About Cold Chisel and it’s Turning My Friends Against Me

All that matters in life is Jimmy Barnes, nineteenth-century lesbians, and the three boxes of Cheerios I clutch to my chest in the car park at Coles. Woolworths didn’t have them in stock so I had to drive to the next suburb.

Desperate Lecturer Resorts to Using Clickbait Lecture Titles to Bring Up Attendance

Due to recent slump in lecture attendance, history lecturer, Dr. Lindsey Farrow, has decided to spice things up. Inspired by highly viewed YouTube content, Dr. Farrow has reportedly begun using clickbait titles in order to get her students excited about learning and attending.

UniMelb Jumpers the Hottest New Look for Plain-Clothed Myki Inspectors

Four grumpy, overweight, mid-life crisis persons have been sighted lurking around the RMIT/Swanston St tram stop wearing UniMelb Hoodies. Witnesses
report that they seem to think they’re blending in well, and reckon no one knows they’re ticket inspectors.

Muslim MLS Student Accuses Faculty of Intimidation

Melbourne Law School (MLS) student X* has accused the MLS of misusing its power through intimidation and silencing. This accusation arose after his attempts at raising concerns with the Associate Dean and submitting an open letter to the Law students newspaper De Minimis. The article criticised what he saw as the MLS’s failure to address structural issues Muslim students face in the legal community.

An Interview With Nobody

It’s February. Another semester, another lot of housemates, classmates, lecturers, textbooks… But some students are already thinking ahead to next year: hiring rounds for 2020 government and corporate graduate programs are opening—and closing.

Adventures in Student Cooking: Bootleg Possum Magic

I’ve been on exchange for around three months now. Overall, it’s been a pretty incredible experience; I love living in Amsterdam (not for the reasons that immediately come to mind) and it’s been amazing to sample the different foods available here. Though I am partial to liquorice or a good stroopwafel, bouts of homesickness do pop up. So here’s a few recipes to help you, if you ever feel the same; whether you’re on exchange or just feeling particularly nostalgic about Possum Magic.

The Places You’ll Go

The University of Melbourne has set a target for 25 per cent of students to participate in overseas study by 2020, reflecting growing national demand to study abroad. The new target, along with changes to the Study Overseas program, form part of a concerted national push to simplify the process for domestic exchange students.

Flash Fiction: Breakfast Television

100-words-or-less pieces about Breakfast Television for Farrago 2019 Edition 1.

Seasons/Spring Part Two

Charcoal

Art

in utero waste

in these crumpled bricks of homes
holding whips of thoughts in domes
passed by ten thousand garden gnomes
fear is crawling in my bones

new york poems

no more than drowned apostles,
or burnt moths.
you are simply a colour
i can never touch again.

Part Eight: “What is the end of study? Let me know.”

He thought of his wicked tutor Dan, those evil ticket inspectors, those bothersome essays. Such a cold and uncaring world. But then he paused. He stopped and he thought. How he wished he could leave, pursued by no care. But he did care. He now cared for this world. He thought of Chloe, his friendship, the laughter and joy. He thought of Professor David and the comedy show he performed. Such warmth and love this world did possess. ‘Twas a mingled yarn, with good and ill together.

Part Seven: “These be the stops that hinder study quite”

On the cover was a quotation from a play he’ll one day write. To be or not to be. It sounded good, so good he ingrained it in his mind and noted to one day use it at a later time. But then he wondered, if he saw it first on paper and didn’t form it in his mind, then who originally wrote it? He wondered if anyone wrote it or if it was crafted by the Gods on scrolls of parchment and thrown into the world of mortal coils. He didn’t want to read his plays anymore. He wanted to be proud of his future work as work of his own.

Part Six: “The crown will find an heir”

As Shakespeare scurried out from the Baillieu, a deluge of unpleasantness swarmed against him in the form of many knaves carrying flyers, all in colourful dress. He was in a melancholic mood and found their pressing behaviour worsened his state. He learnt a new expression from Chloe that day that he found quite effective. He told them to fuck the fuck off.

Alice

It was almost summer and it was lighter for longer these days. The dying heat of the day wafted off the asphalt, bringing the evening down to a temperature where one could comfortably go without shoes. Nicholas didn’t have the luxury of a balcony, so instead he sat on his windowsill with his suit pants loosely rolled above his hairy ankles, dangling his sockless feet over the last of the evening traffic below.

Part Five: “I can see his pride / Peep through each part of him”

Shakespeare stood in front of the mirror sans a shirt. He had hair on his nipples. He clutched a stumpy device and rubbed it under his arms, for odorous fumes he was told he exuded. He’d fallen in failure’s arms the semester prior, and he was bracing his mind for the semester to come. The bard pinched some waxy cream and rubbed it about his pate. His brown locks were now pointed, dipping down upon his brow.

Adventures In Student Cooking: Prepared for the Apocalypse

Bananas

The living room looked out over Elgin Street. Her flat was flanked by an Indian restaurant and a car park. The boobs the chalk were referencing could only be hers. She flung open the window and leant out, as if the scent of the chalk writer still hung on the air and she could sniff them out.

Part Four: “Once more I’ll read the ode that I have writ”

Shakespeare looked at his laptop. He shifted uncomfortably and read once more the task he had to end: to write 15 lines of poetry for his creative writing subject. He hadn’t written much; he was sort of gazing at the wall and remarking how pale and white it was. He looked back at his screen to read what he’d writ. From. An excellent word for an hour of work.

tooth collection

fertile ground
where trichor flown from bitten tongue lands
springs
emnous remnants a toothsome luxury
cthonia induced by friend nor foe alike;

Adventures In Student Cooking: Vege-try-ian

City Girl

Orange painted sunsets and
a depth of grey,
A canvas of molten
silver light
Sigh of smoke spilling
from her lips;
colourless in
the night,

Adventures In Student Cooking: Getting Mugged

Adventures In Student Cooking: Mi Goreng

Mi Goreng—the saviour of every university student. I first discovered this versatile dish after a friend gave me 12 packets. While she’s since moved on to bigger, better and presumably healthier things, Mi Goreng has become a staple in my pantry.

Hamper

The wind will read your palm like a dessert menu.
Your blood will be determined, though not by
letter but by norm.