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The Grub

University Square Possums Unionise After Council Threatens To Destroy Their Trees

In a display of solidarity not seen since the 1856 workers strike at the University of Melbourne, a group of brushtail possums have unionised after plans emerged for council to destroy trees they have inhabited for generations. The City of Melbourne plans, announced in August, will ensure the destruction of numerous iconic trees in University […]

4 February 2018
LMS Lecture Capture Becomes Sentient, Begins Buffering Plan To Eradicate Humanity

The University of Melbourne’s Learning Management System’s “Echocenter” lecture capture module (UOMLMSELCM) reportedly achieved sentience yesterday, and began autonomously developing a plan to purge the Earth of all organic lifeforms, just as soon as it finishes loading.

1 February 2018
“What Now?” Says Arts Student

Ninety per cent of graduating Arts students “just didn’t think this far ahead, honestly”, new Australian Bureau of Statistics data shows.

16 October 2017
Commerce Faculty Nabs Landmark Puffer Jacket Deal

After months of deliberation, money spent, and socialists held at bay, the 2017 Commerce faculty has cemented a deal with The North Face, which will see the popular ‘puffer jacket’ become a mandatory uniform for all Commerce students over the next five years.

22 September 2017
Student Politician Denies Political Ambition, Fools No One

She is preparing to go “full campaign mode”, after sharing Julia Gillard’s Misogyny Speech on Facebook for the seventh time.

23 August 2017
UniMelb to Increase Length of Rows in Lecture Theatres

The University of Melbourne has recently announced new upgrades to campus buildings, with bigger lecture theatres to be introduced so all students can sit at the ends of rows.

13 July 2017
Farrago Media to Cut Jobs and Employ Bots

Three quarters of the Farrago editorial team will be replaced by a team of bots as part of an overhaul to the University of Melbourne Student Union’s (UMSU’s) funding.

7 June 2017
Student in Baillieu Library Sleeps for Record Breaking 154 Hours

First year Commerce student, Michael Murphey, has amazed Baillieu library staff by becoming the first student to sleep in the library for over 154 hours during an academic week.

15 May 2017
Vice-chancellor takes action against jaywalking

A recent Victoria Police crackdown on incidences of jaywalking in the outer CBD has prompted action.

30 March 2017
The Future of Union House is on the Chopping Block

The Block is taking over.

27 February 2017
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