Author’s note: can fanfiction be in script form? I think so. Cross-over Avengers/Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Bucky/Steve. Steve/self-expression-through-song.
Crazy Steve Rodgers: I run into Bucky in 2014!
1. INT. AVENGERS TOWER.
STEVE and NATASHA are comparing battle wounds.
NATASHA:
Wow Steve, you sure are good at fighting all those weird-ass monster-aliens that the police are unable to take down alone. I bet they’ll give you some kind of fighting promotion.
STEVE:
(with forced enthusiasm)
Yeah! That’d be GREAT!
SAM enters the room, handsome and charming unlike Tony who sucks in the movies.
SAM:
Hey Steve, Fury wants to talk to you.
STEVE:
(miserably)
Okay, just give me a second.
STEVE sighs wistfully while staring out the window at the grey, dreary streets.
STEVE:
Okay, I’m ready.
2. INT. STEVE enters NICK FURY’s office.
FURY:
Steve you are so good at fighting I’m giving you a promotion. Honestly I was worried about it because you are seriously traumatised and I’m asking you to go into life-threating combat situations but then I decided it will probably be okay.
STEVE:
(sadly)
Wow. This is so great.
Pause.
STEVE:
Actually, could you… give me a second?
STEVE runs all the way out of the tower onto the street. He stops in the corner of an alley and a building and sinks to the ground, shaking.
STEVE:
I’m happy. This is great. I love the future.
Dramatic fight music starts to play.
STEVE:
I’m not lonely. I love being Captain America.
Shots start to rain down around him. STEVE jumps up. On top of a building, he spies a sinister figure shooting at him.
STEVE:
(into headset)
Guys! I need backup!
STEVE changes quickly into his uniform. The figure climbs down the building and runs towards him.
STEVE:
Bucky? Is that you?
BUCKY shoots at him some more.
STEVE:
Bucky! It’s me! I’m your friend!
The clouds above clear and a beam of sunshine illuminates BUCKY’s furrowed brow and luxurious-yet-rugged hair as he freaks out and runs away. The sunlight follows him as he runs, like that scene in The Simpsons where Homer is supposed to kill Marge but he doesn’t spoilers sorry.
NATASHA:
(running out of the building)
Are you okay? Who was that?
STEVE:
That was my Bucky.
Cue music:
STEVE:
I was frozen in an icicle
living long but it made me cold.
One day it was melting a lot
and put my life off hold, now
I’m in New York! In the future!
Brand new pals and same career!
It happens to be where Bucky is
But that’s not why I’m here!
NATASHA, SAM AND FURY:
His ex-boyfriend is crazy!
STEVE:
What, no he’s not.
NAT, SAM AND FURY:
His ex-boyfriend is crazy!
STEVE:
That’s an ableist term.
NAT, SAM AND FURY:
HIS EX-BOYFRIEND IS CRAZY!
STEVE:
Can you stop singing for just a second?!
NAT, SAM AND FURY:
He’s having a really bad time!
STEVE:
Okay! We get it!
NAT, SAM AND FURY:
C-R-A-Z-Y
(pause, then in mock whisper)
… crazy ex-boyfriend.