Let’s face it, the hidden secret of university is that everyone is tired all of the time. Trudging into uni every morning feeling like Squidward might feel grown-up at first but it gets draining after a while. This leaves you with three choices: one, line up for an overpriced coffee like the rest of the plebs; two, mope through the day knowing full well that you’ll never be happy again; or three, have a nap at uni like the champ that you are. In order to nudge you towards the path of fulfilment, I’ve had a look at the top three spots to catch a sleep on campus so that you, too, can rest assured (pun intended).

The Listening Lounge in the Rowden White

The Rowdy’s “Listening Lounge”, more commonly referred to by everyone ever as “the beanbag room” is undoubtedly the number one spot to sleep on campus. The beanbags are as comfortable as the pillowy bosom of a loved one, and unlike bosoms, there’s usually room to spare. It’s nice and quiet, and being a room dedicated to sleep no matter how often you frequent it, no one will ever judge you for napping within its confines. The only downside really is that it isn’t dark enough, but this is also true of every other spot on campus.

Overall Comfort: Marshmallow

Noise Levels: Crickets

Likelihood of being shamed: Nil

A lecture. Literally any lecture

The room is dim and relatively silent. As you watch the lecturer move from left to right, right to left and left to right again, you slowly close your eyes. The dull monotone of their voice is just the right pitch to lull you into a deep slumber. If this sounds in any way like you, I’m proud. You’re on your way to becoming a napping superstar. The one problem I’ve found with people falling asleep in lectures is that they fall asleep in subjects that they’re taking. This is ill advised as not only will you waste your time and fail to learn that class’s content, you’ll also potentially be recognised by your friends and classmates as the slacker that deep down they already know you are. The trick to napping in a lecture theatre is to do it in any class that’s not your own. This will ensure you don’t miss out on anything important and more importantly, you’ll be sleeping in relative anonymity. Make sure to choose a lecture with content that is dull enough to sleep through. There’s nothing worse than trying to sleep while being interrupted by the cheers of students actively engaged in stimulating discussion.

Overall Comfort: Bearable, bringing a pillow may be overkill

Noise Levels: Tolerable

Likelihood of being shamed: Low

South Lawn in the summer

Of all the joys in life, nothing quite compares to a deep sleep on South Lawn on a sunny summer’s day. While the sleep may not be as deep or as long as an indoor nap, breathing in the fresh air and listening to the sounds of frolicking students make it an entirely enjoyable event. Be sure to take a cap or a book to rest over your face for the optimal experience.

Overall comfort: Lovely

Noise Levels: High

Likelihood of being shamed: High, but worth it

Honourable Mentions:

Benches in the Giblin Eunson

Overall Comfort: Acceptable

Noise Levels: Low

Likelihood of being shamed: High

A friend’s bed in one of the colleges

Overall Comfort: High

Noise Level:  Sennheiser, noise cancelling headphones

Likelihood of being shamed: Guaranteed

Difficulty to acquire: Nigh impossible

In one of the Redmond Barry 10th floor toilets

Overall Comfort: You’re on a toilet      

Noise Levels: Eerily quiet             

Likelihood of being shamed: Nil

Dishonourable Mentions:

On one of the computers in the Baillieu

Overall comfort: Terrible        

Noise levels: Passive aggressive whispering         

Likelihood of being shamed: Your picture WILL be on the internet