FROM: Maggie Beer

My significant other and I have been together for three months now. Every fight we have is because I refuse to share food. How do I let him know that he can’t have a bite of whatever I’m eating without him thinking I don’t love him?

Dear Maggie, I understand your qualm
but think you’ve missed the boat,
More than a small change is needed
to keep this partnership afloat.
About something I must warn you, as your confidant —
Food has changed your couple into a triple entente.
It’s no longer just you and your partner’s lip:
Brownies are now part of this relationship.
Still, we’ve all been there: I feel your pain.
Why won’t he understand that it’s your quiche lorraine?
And when you do acquiesce to his “one small bite”,
He gobbles up half, which leads to a fight.
So what can you say so that he does not steal
The meal you got you? Can’t he see how you feel?
Try telling him you don’t want to share: honesty is key,
If he wants some, he can buy his own Bircher muesli.
And if he still does not listen, then Maggie, it’s up to you.
You must compromise and realise that you can change too.
After all, any relationship is founded on sharing,
Because, as the cliché goes, it shows that you’re caring.
You’ll share many things on the road ahead,
You share money, the chores and even a bed.
So use food as a practice and if you want to be greedy,
Buy another McFlurry: it’s really that easy.
If spilt milk doesn’t necessitate crying,
Then split milk can’t be that terrifying.
So to conclude, talk to your man ’bout your attitude to food
Expressing the feelings you’ve accrued doesn’t have to be rude.
But be mindful of the ways in which you can adjust,
Share your sandwich… okay perhaps just the crust.