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Students and staff say no to the Robert Menzies Institute

Students gathered on South Lawn yesterday to protest the opening gala of the Liberal-backed think-tank Robert Menzies Institute (RMI).

An open letter to all student politicians

As sleek Facebook frames are slowly being removed from the profile pictures of university students in their early twenties, and social media feeds are returning to normal from constant ‘vote for me’ c

"Please don’t ask if we’ve tried yoga”: Students fighting for disability support

Despite the University’s push to make learning accessible, through programs such as SEDS and Access Melbourne, there have yet to be endorsements from students that these programs are appropriate. Inst

Cinemas Buckle Under the Weight of the Netflix Empire

Will Hollywood blockbuster-type films continue to use Netflix as their outlet, or will they return to their rightful spot on the big screen?

Stop the Liberals, Join the Campaign against the Robert Menzies Institute!

The federal government, led by the Liberal Party, is bludgeoning universities. Since the onset of the pandemic, they have excluded thousands of university workers from JobKeeper, ramped up fees for se

 

Article

How to Write an H1 Arts Essay

The Elusive H1. H1, not to be confused with H1N1—the viral disease from 2009 better known as the Swine Flu, is the top mark you can receive at the University of Melbourne. However, while H1N1 is acquired by inhaling the glycoproteins haemagglutinin and neuraminidase through droplets in the air, H1s are awarded for achieving over […]

The Elusive H1.

H1, not to be confused with H1N1—the viral disease from 2009 better known as the Swine Flu, is the top mark you can receive at the University of Melbourne.

However, while H1N1 is acquired by inhaling the glycoproteins haemagglutinin and neuraminidase through droplets in the air, H1s are awarded for achieving over 80% on a particular assignment. 

Sadly, you cannot just inhale an H1.

To make the task even trickier, the quantity of H1s in some subjects is capped since you are scored against the rest of your cohort. 

Oh, so you thought savage competition between students was over since you left high school?

Whoever said arts degrees don’t prepare you for the cutthroat horrors of late-stage capitalism was clearly an H3 student. Or worse, a commerce kid. 

 

A Newer, Superior-er Essay Structure. 

Lots of people like to use the T.E.E.L. method (Topic, Explanation, Evidence, Link) but I prefer to use the far more refined and intellectually sound A.S.S.B.U.M method.

The method is as follows…

A – Awesome first sentence 

S – Sick-as second sentence

S – Shit, this method is totally useless. I thought that I really could give the smug bastards who created TEEL a run for their money. Hold on, quickly, we gotta

B – Back that ass up and

U – Understand that there’s really only one sure-fire way of getting an H1 in literally any essay across literally any arts major and that is to simply…

M – Mention Marx

That wasn’t so hard, was it? 

I find acronyms make everything easier to remember. 

 

Disclaimer:

When shooting for that oh-so-shiny H1, just remember that under no circumstances should you do anything I’ve told you to do in this article. 

If I get any emails from tutors telling me their students didn’t spend enough time “explaining concepts” and “providing evidence” but instead, wasted far too much of their word count “backing that ass up”—I’ll be most displeased.

 
Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Three 2021

FARRAGO MAGAZINE EDITIONS FIVE AND SIX AVAILABLE NOW!

Our final editions for the year are jam packed full of news, culture, photography, poetry, art, fiction and more...

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