Featured in Farrago Magazine Edition Two 2026 as part of the One Man in a (Sinking) Boat column
Design by Sophie Igbinovia
06/03/26 Friday 3:30 am Saturday 07/03/26
Dear Diary,
I think I’m going to drop out of uni. Scratch that, I think I have to drop out of uni. Bad things ONLY happen to me. I’m going to rip all my hair out, hair by hair, until I’m bald with a single strand like a baby.
I mean, I would do that, except that I think I’ve fallen in love with a literal angel. But more on that later!!!
As you may remember, I forgot to enter my preferences on time and got the most diabolical timetable allocations this sem, including, but not limited to, an 8 am tutorial on a FRIDAY. It’s a little ridiculous that they don’t allow extensions for preference entry. How the hell am I meant to go to Guerns or Billboards or Carlton Club if I’ve been awake since six in the morning? I’ll have to start scheduling in an afternoon nap if I want to make it anywhere.
I didn’t even know I had a tute this morning until last night. I was scrolling on my phone (a habit I will be stopping from Monday) when I decided to check my schedule and saw the tute in my calendar. I had to force myself to sleep immediately so that I got at least five hours in, which meant I got no wind-down time or sleep hygiene at all.
I barely made it. I was exhausted, but I always like meeting new people, so I introduced myself to everyone at my table before the icebreakers.
AND THERE SHE WAS.
The most stunning girl I’ve ever seen was sitting right opposite me. She had big, curly red hair and an eyebrow piercing. I was so mesmerised, I don’t even remember her name. That pick-up line about falling from heaven and being a fallen angel or whatever finally makes sense.
We all started chatting, and she asked me if I’d taken Advanced Physics. That was the first sign that something wasn’t right. Then the tutor pulled up the lecture slides, and I saw a picture of a skyscraper on the first page. I quietly asked my angel (or, as I now know her from her Instagram, @kat.astrophe) what class we were sitting in, and she replied, rather casually, Engineering Mechanics. ENGINEERING MECHANICS?
I realised two things in that moment.
- I would have to sneak out of there.
- I may never again lay my eyes on the angel in front of me.
I always say you miss 100 per cent of the shots you don’t take… so, I took my chance, opened Instagram and passed my phone to her. I had to tap her hand to get her attention away from the lecture slides, but, fortunately, she smiled and sent herself a request through my profile.
It’s still stuck on requested, but I’m sure she’s just too locked in to have seen it yet. She’ll probably accept me when she has some free time. You have to be zen about these things. I would never even have got her IG if I wasn’t… I mean, eventually I will have her IG, once she’s accepted me, but you know what I mean.
I got to my actual tutorial (Spanish 1) just as they were starting icebreakers. I missed the prompt, but the people ahead of me in the circle were giving their name, degree and a word. The first person’s word was “new”, then “tough”, then “intellectual”. I assumed people were describing themselves, so when it was my turn, I said “W rizz” to get a couple of laughs. Turns out, they were describing their degrees, and the tutor felt compelled to ask me if I was comfortable speaking English. Is that even allowed anymore?
Twenty minutes later, she asked if anybody had done the reading, and I nodded because I’m an active listener. She then asked me to explain what I’d learnt, and I had to pretend I’d misheard her. I thought I’d be more convincing if I acted bilingual and put on an accent as I spoke to her, but the only place that came to my mind was Spain. I tried doing an impression of some football coach, but I’m pretty sure all I ended up sounding like was an Australian with a mouth ulcer. Then I spent the rest of the class so worried that somebody would think I was trying to mock an accent, that I kept it up for the remaining two hours. It might have been the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me all year. Are people going to notice if I stop next class? Will I have to talk this way all sem??
And, worst of all, I understood none of the Spanish she said. I took this subject as a WAM booster, but if I continue like this, I’m going to need a WAM booster for my WAM booster.
I lied before, because the actual worst part of it all is that I got caught by a Myki rat at Lincoln Square on my way home. I tapped on as soon as I saw him, but it turns out I left my wallet at home in my hurry this morning, so I didn’t have my concession card on me. He’s written me up, and I’ve already been given a warning (see 3 pm Friday 01/01/26), so I know I’m getting a fine. I’m thinking I might contest it on the grounds of injustice and unkindness.
Anyway, now I need to start saving to pay off my fine, so I’ve told the boys that I can only go to Carlton Club tonight (free entry). I’m going to do pre’s with Dad’s port. Saving requires sacrifice (especially when your parents have just cut you off for enjoying life “too much”).
More tomorrow.
P.S. Mum found out I’ve been telling people that I’ve been cut off. She doesn’t like my tone and wants me to make it clear that my parents have decided to put me on a “slightly stricter budget to help teach me moderation and financial literacy skills that will empower me to be fiscally responsible in the future”. What's the difference?
GOALS FOR THIS SEMESTER
FIX 61.3 WAM AND GET H1
GET GIRLFRIEND (HOPEFULLY @KAT.ASTROPHE)
SAVE $10,000
PAY OFF MYKI FINE
GET JOB?
PUB GOLF