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Hocus-Pocus Recipes and Rituals: A Happy Hearty Meal for a Great Big Adventure

I must confess, I’ve been finding myself bone-tired lately, and sluggish as a mealworm without a meal.

A polaroid of Selena behind a cauldron, and in the corner, an owl smiling cheekily at the camera.

Hello hello! This is your local apothecary and witch Selena Sparklemoon.

I must confess, I’ve been finding myself bone-tired lately, and sluggish as a mealworm without a meal. I’ve tried powering through it and now I’m bedridden with a fever. What’s worse is I promised Amon we would go on a road trip around the world, and we’re supposed to leave together tomorrow!

I really do want to go but I am quite ill—what a predicament! Usually when I’m this ill, I would just sip on some tea and sleep in, but I have to go. I promised Amon—we pinky swore and everything—and soon Amon has to return back to the demon realm for a demon conference that only happens every 66 years, and usually lasts for six whole decades! I will practically be an old hag by the time they return, if I can even live long enough for that.

So what can I do, you may ask? Why cheat with magic of course! I have a recipe saved up for just this occasion—a hearty stew that has been passed down in my family for generations.

 

You will need the following:

  • Five cups of hedgehog mushrooms—despite the name, no hedgehogs are harmed in the making and harvesting of this elusive ingredient, so don’t stress!
  • Veggies! Two cups of potatoes, one cup of carrots, one cup of celery and one cup of broccoli is my go-to mix for this recipe, though you can substitute your own assortment of veggies
  • A sprinkle of lavender blessed by moonbeams—our stew isn’t complete without it!
  • A sprinkle of your finest herbs and spices; thyme, basil, rosemary, paprika, cinnamon, ginger— whatever you have lying around
  • A litre or two of vegetable stock (depending on how thick you want the broth to be). You can make your own or get some from your local supermarket. I tend to make up batches of vegetable stock from the leftover veggies of this very stew
  • A single magic giant’s bean—this alone will add quite a kick to the stew, so try not to add any more (unless you wanna feel even sicker)! My family kept a store of magic giant’s beans in our pantry before they just suddenly disappeared when I was just a kid… Not gonna lie, I don’t know where to find more; my family kept that secret so hush-hush they wouldn’t even tell me
  • Your sharpest knives to cut up your produce nice and good!
  • One cauldron for all your ingredients
  • One wooden spoon to stir it up into a feel-good broth

 

  1. To start, slice your hedgehog mushrooms into itty-bitty skulls. Amon and I tend to get batches of the stuff from our local farmers’ market; the ones they sell are always so fresh and vibrant. Plus it’s a nice little adventure visiting the other stalls, especially when Amon’s favourite honey farm is in town.
  2. Next up are the veggies! Again, the farmers’ market is perfect for some organic veggies, but your very own garden will do plenty too. Slice and dice them all up with your sharpest knives.
  3. Next up is lavender—I’ve started growing my own garden of lavender to make it easier for my recipes and rituals since lavender seems to feature in so many. Pluck a bunch and leave them out in the moonlight overnight to crisp up.
  4. Pluck your herbs and dice them up until you’ve got a little mound of green. Then plant them and your mushrooms and veggies in the cauldron.
  5. Stock time! Pour your entire veggie stock into the cauldron. Leave to bubble bubble, boil and trouble overnight with an open window so that the broth can bask in moonbeams too.
  6. Have a good night’s sleep—no happy hearty stew is complete without it!
  7. Once it is sunrise, collect your lavender and add it to the cauldron. Drop your magic giant’s bean into the mix; stir for half an hour clockwise and another half hour anti-clockwise.
  8. Chant the words “I give thanks to this meal, and I will happily indulge” over and over and over, until the broth releases fireworks into the air. Time to celebrate!
  9. Enjoy the hearty meal and be happy and healthy!

After completing the latest batch of my family’s ol’ happy hearty stew, I now feel renewed and restored and ready to take on anything! Just in time too—I can already hear the flap of Amon’s wings—they’re right at my window! It’s time to go soon, but I do want to thank my family for passing down this recipe to me. I hope they’re okay, wherever they may be…

That’s all from me for now! Tune in next time where I show y’all how to use cheese to predict the future!

 
Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Five 2022

EDITION SIX 'RETROFUTURISM' AVAILABLE NOW!

Our last print edition of 2022 is here! This wild, visionary edition is filled with burning nostalgia, glittering hope, and tantalising visions of the future, past, and present.

Read online