CW: References to child abuse, emotional abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, bullying, childhood trauma

I recall 

when I was just a girl,

how my trust in you left with 

the bang of the door. 

How I mended the cracks in 

the mask that I wore.

When I was just a girl.

I recall 

when I was just a girl,

all the venom you spit when

exerting control.

As if it would suddenly 

make you feel whole.

When I was just a girl.

I recall 

when I was just a girl,

the purpose with which you

made me feel so small.

The circus through which you

made me pose and dance and crawl.

When I was just a girl.

I recall 

when I was just a girl,

I couldn’t carry my weight 

let alone the whole world’s.

I couldn’t ward off words 

untoward that were hurled.

I was just a girl.

I recall 

when I was just a girl

how I wished and I wished for nothing more 

than for noxious spikes to rise and rise

and rise and rise and rise and rise

and protect me from the world.