In a budget speech that surprised observers last night, Treasurer Scott Morrison announced that the government does not need to follow a strict budget this year because it will be bulking.

“I know the Australian people want mad gains from the economy,” he said.

“But, unlike our friends in the Labor Party, we know that it’s important to bulk before you cut.

“On the plus side, now we get to spend all we want guilt-free, knowing we’ll be able to pay off the debt twice as fast later on.”

The Coalition was elected three years ago, with then-treasurer Joe Hockey promising three budget surpluses in a row. Many are now pointing out that the party has delivered not one, with some wondering when the deficits will end.

“I know this isn’t the economy you want,” said Morrison, taking a little sip of Gatorade as sweat dripped from his brow.

“This is the economy you need, to get the economy you want.”