There’s a Melbourne band with a killer sound—maybe something halfway between Wavves and Skegss—and it just isn’t getting its music “out there”.

Sound familiar?

It can be very difficult for new bands to find an audience. Music critics are so caught up with buzzwords like texture and originality that they don’t even give up-and-comers a go. Perhaps you think you’ve tried everything already: Unearthed, pub shows, even busking.

Unlike those “solutions”, these 3 weird chords are guaranteed* to help. Our formula is recommended by music industry professionals to help you improve your sound, and cultivate the audience that you so deserve—and all with 100% natural ingredients.
Don’t believe us? Here’s a sample.

Chord #1: G Major

This will be your bread-and-butter. A warm, pleasant sound, scientifically proven* to relax your listeners and lull them into a false sense of comfort, before…

Chord #2: C Major

Pow! They weren’t expecting that. And it was so easy. This chord is a highly advanced major key barre chord on the 3rd fret, but using our patented system, it’s incredibly simple. In fact, anyone with two fingers and a thumb can do it. That’s our guarantee*.

Chord #3: PENDING PAYMENT

Unfortunately, in order to unlock the essential third chord, the high costs of developing this formula require a one-time payment of $149.99, payable in instalments, and preferably in cash.

 
*The Grub is not legally bound by these terms outside the Cayman Islands.