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TO ALL THE GIRLS I’VE LOVED BEFORE

Belle Gill (writer), Ayonti Mahreen Huq (graphics)

She of the dark hair We’re writing secret notes to each other and sticking them on each other’s binders. The teacher side-eyes us while commenting on how ‘lesbianism’ is bad. I snort.

Creative

– 2012 –
She of the dark hair
We’re writing secret notes to each other and sticking them on each other’s binders.
The teacher side-eyes us while commenting on how ‘lesbianism’ is bad.
I snort.
That night, I lie in bed, rereading all of our notes I saved.
I smile.

– 2013 –
She of the yellow pants
I am about three seconds away from a complete breakdown.
She sees me as I walk down the corridor.
One look at my face and she just knows.
Her arms wrap around me.
I can breathe again.

– 2014 –
She of the big city
She talks about how attractive she finds Indian girls with curly hair.
I wonder if I am included on that list.
I wasn’t.

– 2016 –
She of the wanderlust
I send her drunken text messages
I love you. Iloveyou. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU
I delete them while intoxicated.
When I wake up, I can’t remember her replies.

– 2017 –
She of the heart-shaped lips
We sit on the pavement, watching musicians busk.
There is a smile on her lips, she is completely content.
I watch her. I am completely content.
I wander the streets listlessly for weeks after she leaves.
I am lost.

– 2018 –
She of the choppy bangs
We are watching a movie, a Ghibli classic.
Our knees press against each other.
The protagonist loses her love.
Her head rests on my shoulder.
Love is found.