content warning: references to sexual misconduct in Parliament

The Size 9 and The Frigid One

Written by Marija Mrvosevic

There was once a young lass, aged 21, hair in a bun and of lean body—size 9. She searched six continents for a mate handsome as rock stars and smart as philosophers of yore. But all she found was a forgotten pop icon and a posh cunt.

With only the seventh land left—a land as frigid as her best friend— our young lass despaired. She plucked her brow, stuffed her bra, and vehemently stayed off carbs. No luck.

The frigid one exclaimed, “Fuck me instead!”

Our lass tossed a smile. “Why not?”

And they slept soundly moments after.

Deputy Prime Minister a woman all along

Written by Mushu

After 12 years of service, Deputy Prime Minister Mulan Hua has revealed that she is, in fact, a woman.

She explained, “It all started in the Morrison years. The situation in Canberra simply couldn’t have been any worse for women at the time. I said ‘screw it’.”

“Nobody suspected. Which meant no upskirting, no harassment, no daily microaggressions about my competence. Basically I could actually do my fucking job.”

She also apologised for any suggestion that women needed to impersonate men for power. She quipped, “It didn’t get me to the bloody top anyway."