“It is a gift in this life that we do not know what awaits us” (‘Lucy by the Sea’ by Elizabeth Strout)

If my mother knew

            her father would die    that same year

her husband cheated               

If she could foresee                 somehow see

            a series of events perfectly laid out   

through those strange arrays of tarot cards

I wonder what would have happened

            Would she have stayed

Still      would she have left?                Would we be braver?

            Or even more afraid?             

If                     I           had known                   that      first Tuesday    in February

            what laid before us       would I have still kissed you                standing on tippy toes

trembling against you               in that dusty     old room          would I have exercised more

            restraint  knowing all those cold May nights    I would spend crying to stars

huddled up against trees          should I have known                          all those cups of

tea I’d have to make (with extra spoons of honey)       would I have run into your arms?                   

             If I asked         Beethoven or                Kundera; they would say:

             Muss es sein? Es muss sein! Es muss sein!       (Must it be? It must be! It must be!)

To believe in fate seems to me                to be a lazy excuse       to wash ourselves of all that

heftiness of choice                                   then      rationally          logically                         if we could see

what awaits us               we would take caution                we would close curtains and keep our

guards high                                and still               I cannot be sure           if I had any choice     

             that Tuesday afternoon                                                     I would do anything differently                       

             Perhaps Beethoven was right                  Es muss sein                          Es muss sein

If I can write at least one poem – or even just one sentence – that makes someone's heart lighter – or just warms their day (like green tea on a windy day or bright sunlight on a freezing afternoon) – if I can do that – then I will feel like I have written something 'good' - because there have been many a cold time when a poem has saved my day :) Social handle is: @nimsilva27 (Instagram)