For 

Setting: it’s a cool Thursday afternoon, you just got out of a spicy tute, you’re walking through campus. The sky is blue with fluffy puffs of cotton wool drifting lazily through it, spring is in the air, and you’re heading for the train. Only way to make this more perfect?

Enter boba, stage left.

Now, Taiwan is awesome for many reasons, but you can’t deny that the absolute cultural phenomenon of bubble tea has helped get it on the map in recent years. Just because you can’t travel right now doesn’t mean you can’t be cultured.

What’s not to love about bubble tea? It’s cute, it’s colourful, it’s totally customisable: size, shape, shop, sugar, ice, fruit, flavour, foam, tea, temperature, trend, toppings (bottomings?) You name a dimension, bubble tea has it.

What about its price tag, you ask? Nay, it is a mark of indulgence, of self-care—you, the bubble tea drinker, are living your best life. You alone are willing to treat yourself, to be a little different, and go the extra mile for something special. This is just another way to look down on coffee-drinking Melburnian plebs.

Lastly, it’s absolutely delicious. So don’t suck balls; suck boba!

[peace out]

[mic drop]

End.

Against

Reader, we received no submissions against this prompt. Could this be due to dwindling interest in writing for a student magazine during a global pandemic? Nay. We instead believe that this is an indication of boba’s uncontestable supremacy. It is simply impossible to say a single thing against this ambrosial elixir.

All hail boba, god among beverages.

p.s. If you’re the unnamed 2020 editor who commented during proofing that tapioca balls taste like ‘fish eggs’, no ??