content warning: references to alcohol and drugs

the recycled alterity of
dying and rebirth
leather jackets and acid in freezing
heat /
sweat drips ecstatically
lazy love goes loopy
that sweet release of carnage
is freedom in its most
intoxicating form

i feel the fortitude in hair dye
2009 hayley williams
listening to ridicule and insolence
belly full of screaming
and half-lipped i love you

searching for divinity
in my spotify friend activity
reading love in lyrics
and confession in playlists
(will they finally grasp my heartache
if i listen to sza 48 times in a row?)

the kiss-less demeanours
of quiet girls
tying their doc martens on train tracks
sipping on cheap alcohol
for the second time that morning
tucking crystals in bras
and pinky promising love and sex

in the daylight
you tell terrible tales of polished adulthood
refined and straight-backed
destruction hiding like
chipped nail polish upon your fingertips
until, bathed in moonlight
you crash against pavements on smith street

a realisation /
living this life is
committing yourself
to a life of decay
i sit in the cafe´ across Savers
wasting my last dime on a baby tee
and a kiss from god

and then, all at once
a dawn
the earth meets itself again
and my lovers and i
locked in clumsy embrace
are reborn