Little Fat Lamb The Sixth Most Dangerous Creature In Australia, Studies Show21 April 2018
Australians are in shock this week as a recently discovered, seemingly harmless creature has shot to sixth place in Australian Geographic’s annual dangerous australian wildlife rankings, Fuck There’s Some Scary Shit in This Country.
Beating worthy contenders such as the Inland Taipan, the Blue Ringed Octopus and Tony Abbott’s budgie smugglers, the Little Fat Lamb is quickly becoming a household name striking fear into the hearts of many Australians.
Since its discovery by University of Melbourne researchers in 2005, Little Fat Lamb has damaged, hurt and degraded tens of thousands of innocent people, with university students between the ages of 18 and 22 the greatest victims. A non-discriminatory creature, the Little Fat Lamb strikes without warning after luring victims in with its incredible scent glands producing wafts of berry, lemon and even ginger.
One University of Melbourne student speaking to a reporter from The Grub recounted his first experience with the Little Fat Lamb:
“I was out with my friends on a Thursday night, Thursday Guernsday ya [sic] know. All of sudden, my mate handed me this Little Fat Lamb, and before I know it, I’m face down in a gutter outside Flinders Street station with someone else’s underwear on and a copy of Red Flag in my pocket. This shit is really dangerous… I can’t believe the government isn’t doing more to inform people of the risks.”
Despite the risks posed by the Little Fat Lamb, concerned parents say the creature is continuing to infiltrate Melbourne communities, with one mother saying she’d lost her daughter to the Little Fat Lamb: “She used to be top of her class at university. Now she spends every Thursday night promoting at Lucky and says Saturdays are ‘for the girls’. It was the Little Fat Lamb that did this to her… It’s destroyed our family.”
With debate continuing to rage on how to deal with the Little Fat Lamb problem, the only sure thing is that young, vulnerable people will continue to suffer at the hoofs of this deadly, merciless creature.
The Grub is looking to hear the stories of victims, and encourages all students who have suffered as a result of the Little Fat Lamb to contact our media department at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Article by Darcy French.