Counsel In Couplets: Too Many Boosts25 February 2016
FROM: Mary F, Melbourne East
“Hi Nick, it’s only Thursday and I’ve already bought nine Boosts this week. Help!”
It all starts with that one inevitable drink:
“Why not get a Passion Mango smoothie?” you think.
After two hours of French and then chemistry,
Your body is screaming out, “Get Boost, I’m thirsty!”
You intend to save some money and get a small
But you end up with a large, ‘cause you want it all.
Six dollars ninety: a small fortune for crushed fruit
But it’s all that will get you through your next tute.
More than your bank statement,
you’re selling your soul –
A deadly addiction leaving you on the dole.
Enticed by the attractive teens in visor caps,
You’ve fallen into another corporate trap.
This destructive cycle: it has gone on for weeks
And without that vivid lime logo, each day is bleak.
The only way out lies in finding cheaper bevs –
Warm chai from the Food Coop
or coffee from Lot Sevs.
Pretend you belong to the Eng Society,
Free cider from Christian Club for feigned piety.
Drink from the sprinklers
that fill the Systems Garden
Steal distilled water, sneak it past the lab warden.
Stinge money off friends
and have them buy you a drink,
Or, quite simply, fill your bottle up at a sink.
After all, water is always a fine option,
Although lacking the flavour
of Boost’s concoctions.
Look to your friends:
they’ll get you through these hard times
After all, a love for Boost beats snorting crack lines.
Every week attend Boost Addicts Anonymous,
Rally against this company nefarious.
And soon you’ll celebrate a month sans Kiwi Crush
Slowly purging yourself of that sugary mush.
So, dearest Mary, I have faith in your resolve
Yes, Boost is evil, but this problem you can solve.
Have a woe you can’t let go?
SEND IT TO FARRAGOMEDIA2016@GMAIL.COM