Counsel in Couplets: Jealousy

8 August 2016

From: Zachary

My best friend recently got a new girlfriend and their disgusting happiness has shattered my illusion that everything is alright and that I’m a stable human being who’s OK with being single. How do I manage the feelings of neglect and envy that twist my otherwise innocent heart?


“Oh, to be young and feel love’s keen sting”,

Dumbledore muses while adjusting Marvolo’s ring.

He’s certainly right, feelings are fickle things

But to your infatuated friend, it’s joy love brings.


First and foremost, if there’s anything pop music has shown us,

You can “still get jealous”: that’s not just for Nick Jonas.

It’s normal to feel neglected like a Pidgey in Pokémon,

And to waste away nights playing Lonely by Akon.

While these emotions may be unavoidable it’s how you act on them that counts,

So your first point of call’s being supportive — that’s paramount.

You never know: this friend’s new gf might become the Hermione to your Harry,

She’ll save your ass from danger and you’ll be the best man if they marry.

Use your friend’s preoccupation with this lass to branch out and try new activities,

You could meet your Ginny at Friday bowls: the world’s full of possibilities.

And if you’re still feeling more overlooked than Idol’s Shannol Noll,

Open up about your loneliness: sharing thoughts brings control.  

As for the envy, that’s something harder to fix.

We often want what we can’t have — I want flying broomsticks.

So time for real talk, you need to do you,

You’re not a half seeking half but a one seeking two.

You’re not Voldemort, left with a seventh of your soul.

You, Mr Zac, are one hell of a whole!

So even if you feel you’re not, as you say, a “stable human being”,

Remind yourself that thought’s a misguided fiction: naught but a dream.

So let your Oddish evolve into a Vileplume,

Slam the door—walk out that waiting room!

Be happy with yourself and you’ll be okay being solo,

No longer bitter in your friend’s enamoured glow.


So dear Zac, support this friend. But most of all find peace within you.

Ignore the acrid envy that’s battling to break through.

After all, as Dumbledore astutely concludes before sending Harry back to bed,

Don’t “dwell on dreams and forget to live”: love’s found outside the mirror of Erised.


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