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As of today, Farrago Magazine, Australia’s oldest student publication, will cease operations under the current four editors.

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Helium Boy

<p>He could feel himself rising, and not in the good way.</p>

“Keeping those on?”

James stared down at his trainers, then to the newly liberated condom in his hand. He swallowed hard, admiring the girl laid bare before him, trying to think up some logical solution to his problem.

“Um. No.”

Kate stared, waiting for him to remove the rest of his clothes. James fiddled with his shoes, attempting to wriggle his heel from its confines. It was no good. He could already feel himself rising. He’d just have to think up some other excuse. Perhaps he’d say that he had bunions. No, that might ruin the mood even more.

He sprawled himself back down onto the bed, footwear firmly intact. Before Kate had time to protest, James pulled her into a heated kiss, whipping out what he believed to be his most impressive tongue work. His plan succeeded. Kate seemed to forget all aversion she’d had to his peculiar fashion sense, letting herself be seduced by the kisses that always failed to land directly on her lips.

“Where do you want me?” Her whisper was masked by a large tangle of hair.

James fell into himself, suddenly recounting every porno he’d ever watched. There were a few things he’d wanted to try, but he doubted he had the agility, or the equipment, to complete the experiment.   That was when the idea hit him. Potentially the first good idea he’d ever had in his whole seventeen years of life.

“Get on top,” James replied, in the smokiest voice he could manage. It sounded more like he had a terrible cold.

Kate made no complaint, steadying herself upright, brushing a hand through her disarranged locks. She was making some sort of sultry movement; James could just see it out of the corner of his eye while he fiddled with the condom. How the hell were these things meant to go on again? Something about rolling them. He tried to conceal his confusion about the tiny rubber bag before Kate could catch onto the fact that he was a complete beginner at this. Not that he hadn’t had ample opportunity in the past, of course. He just hadn’t been sure how he’d ever deal with his peculiar situation.

While Kate was distracted by her dolphin-like dance, James positioned one of his feet below the other, prying the shoe loose. One fell to the ground with a loud thump, rocks spilling out of it and all over the floor. Kate didn’t seem to notice; her dance becoming faster now, agitation increasing. Fuck. He could feel himself rising, and not in the good way. He really hoped this idea would work, otherwise things were about to reach a whole new level of awkward. Here he’d been, panicking that she might tell everyone he’d been terrible in the sack. The possibility that everyone may discover he was a levitating freak hadn’t dawned upon him.

“Hurry up,” Kate commanded, her fire starting to lose heat.

The other shoe was at last extracted. He rolled the condom down to the base. He was fully up now. It began. Kate started to make some weird, gyrating movements. Is this what sex was? Like, it felt good and all, but was this it? Maybe it would feel better if they hadn’t been hovering an inch above the bed. Fuck. He looked up at Kate, but she hadn’t noticed. Her eyes were closed as she bit her lip. God, she was even hotter than how he’d pictured her. He’d waited so long for this, he just needed to let go and enjoy it. James relaxed into the movement, allowing himself to forget the risk he ran of floating to the ceiling at any moment. He closed his eyes. Yeah, it was getting better now. He could feel her, feel everything that was happening…

Without warning, Kate rolled herself over, and pulled James on top of her.


The two of them flew up to the ceiling, James’ back hitting it hard on impact. Kate let out a loud scream. Unless he was mistaken, though, it didn’t seem to be one of alarm. James’ eyes flew open; Kate’s were still firmly shut. She had absolutely no idea about the total defiance of gravity currently taking place. God, she really must be enjoying it. Maybe he had a natural talent for this kind of stuff.

He didn’t have time to wonder, as the weight of the new situation dawned upon him. Rather, the weight of the girl in his arms.

It appeared his peculiar ability didn’t transpose itself onto the people in contact with him. James was lying upon the ceiling, holding onto Kate with nothing but his arms and evidently talented penis. Swinging his legs around her thighs, James relieved some of the pain from his limbs.

“Go faster,” Kate begged him, her face nestled into the nape of his neck.

James made no reply. He was biting his own lip, trying to conceal a cry of pain. Kate proved to be much heavier than she looked. Swallowing back the ejaculation, James made work to thrust his hips more vigorously towards Kate’s. She let out another cry. He must be doing well; David hadn’t said anything about her screaming like this when they’d done it last November. But he couldn’t even fully process the satisfaction this thought should have given him. Arms about to fall off, he didn’t have time or energy to think of another clever solution; he would have to try the first thing that came to him and hope they didn’t die in the process.

With a silent prayer to a God he’d never before shown any interest in, James fought to force Kate back on top of him, hoping they’d both fall back onto the motel’s dodgy double bed, and not onto its fragile wooden flooring.


The bed proved to be far less luxurious than it appeared, the mattress about as thick as a single sheet of paper. James’s back was thrust heavily onto the wooden panels. There was another cry. At least she was still enjoying herself. He’d heard guys say that after good sex, you shouldn’t be able to walk. James didn’t think they meant it should cause complete paralysis.

This was getting ridiculous. James couldn’t concentrate on the sweaty teenage girl riding him. This long-held dream was turning into an utter nightmare.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

He’d have to find a way to get his shoes back on, and hope that there was still enough weights left in them to keep his feet firmly on the ground. With what energy he had left, James wriggled their bodies toward the end of the bed, and dangled his legs over the edge.

Kate’s screams were becoming more frequent. James tried to conceal his efforts: “Yeah, um, yeah!”

Her eyes flew open for the first time since they’d begun. She looked to the source of the sound, confused, as though she’d forgotten he’d even been there. Her interest was fleeting, before her eyes clenched shut and she again took up her sea creature motions. James’s sigh of relief was lost amongst the racket. God, he hoped these rooms were soundproof.

One foot attempted to feel around the floor for the lost shoes. He felt like a blind Cinderella. But this was nothing like those shitty Disney films. This was a pure, gory Brother’s Grimm tale, replete with axes and mutilated lovers.

His foot finally hit something that felt particularly shoe-y. Success. James felt out for the hole, trying to fit his foot within it. It took a solid half minute of frustration before he realised the shoe was facing the wrong way. Making a few jerking movements, to Kate’s delight, James managed to slip himself inside. To his relief, there still appeared to be enough rocks left inside the shoe; enough to keep him closer to the floor than ceiling. Feeling confident they were not about to go for another hot and heavy air ride, James swung his torso up, Kate now straddled on his lap.

“Oh, James,” she whimpered, impressed by his sexual efforts, completely clueless. As she bounced upon him, he continued to fiddle, making occasional movements with his pelvis to keep things interesting. Gazing over her shoulder, he could see nothing through the abundance of dark bouncing locks. Pulling her into a tight embrace, he flattened her hair down, desperately searching the floor with his eyes. There it was, strewn across the tattered floorboards, and just out of reach. Fuck. Fuck.

“FUCK!” Kate cried.

James had no idea what he was going to do; there was just enough weight pulling him towards the floor. He wriggled himself further down the bed, until his cheek bones were thrust painfully onto the wooden railing. He was almost there, it was just within reach. He pointed one of his toes out, looking like the World Champion for Most Ungraceful Ballerina. He touched it and…Kate made a sudden movement, causing him to push the shoe further away.

There was no other way around it but to travel towards the shoe. He didn’t know quite how possible this would be; he could already feel himself rising gradually towards the roof.

Honestly, though? At this stage, James could not give the slightest fuck if Kate did discover he had a strange tendency to levitate. If she spilled the beans, he’d tell everyone she made more noise than a hippo in the sack.

He wouldn’t really be that cruel. But, right now, his back was about to crack, and his arse was taking an excruciating pounding.

Making a strange squatting motion, hoping it would keep him more grounded, James ventured towards the shoe. Kate’s legs were squeezed tightly around his waist. This was just the icing on the cake for her experience. She was going wild, her head swinging in all directions, making it incredibly hard for James to see if he was headed towards the shoe or the wall. The weight in his single shoe was not enough to hold his whole body down. Had it not been for Kate’s constant and violent gyrations, James would be flying to the roof any second. Kate had finally made herself useful.

With one last excursion, James stretched his leg out towards the shoe. His foot fell in. Relief washed over James in a large wave. Turning them around, James dropped Kate back onto the bed, allowing himself to fall on top of her. The sweat that had developed from his strain began to fall onto her face, mixing with her own perspiration. She had reached her highest pitch yet, scratching at his already destroyed back, drawing him closer towards her. With a heavy exhale, James closed his eyes, deciding he would utilise the fragments of energy he had left to try and make the most of this experience.

He had just calmed himself to a state somewhat resembling relaxation, when Kate gave off a scream so loud and piercing, James’s muscles froze up again in complete panic. Every limb in Kate’s body suddenly tightened around him, cutting off ample circulation. And then, suddenly, it all released. She fell onto the bed with a heavy sigh.

James admired the disheveled body before him, uncertain of the appropriate next move. Kate brushed the bedraggled hair from her face, and used her legs to push him from her, indicating that, without a doubt, she had finished. The next moments fell into a blur. Was that it? James rolled beside her, thinking he could at least enjoy a cuddle if this was really all that was left to enjoy.

“Shit, is that the time? Gotta run.”

Without a second of hesitation, Kate rolled off the bed, and began to scavenge various items of clothing from around the room. She was talking all the while, some stuff about the sex: that she’d enjoyed it and wanted to do it again some time. James hardly heard a word she said. He stared blankly at the moulding ceiling above him.

Her loose blouse now vaguely fastened, Kate came over to give a farewell kiss, “Text me some time, we’ll organise a date. Like I said, though, not tomorrow.”

Kate crossed the room. Just before reaching the door, she turned for one final intake of her disfigured partner, “Oh yeah, and James? Don’t take any offence or anything but, next time, lose the shoes. It’s really not sexy.”

With that, the door slammed shut, and James was left alone with the ceiling.

Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Four 2022


Saddle up! Farrago’s brand spanking new edition is here! It’s jam-packed with art, photography, news, non-fiction and creative writing; and it calls on you to “be the cowboy.” “But what does that mean?” you ask. Well, let the wise words of Mitski guide you… ”What would a swaggering cowboy riding into town do in this situation?”

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