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Stop the Liberals, Join the Campaign against the Robert Menzies Institute!

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The Fairytale Gazette: Part 2

<p>Murder and general mayhem sound just like your good old-fashioned fairy tales, something left behind in the myths and legends that belong in forgotten derelict book-shelves. Beware sensationalism but the reality is that it’s all just life, kids.</p>

(Content warning: references to sexual assault)

Crime watch notice
A million-dollar reward for the return of a pair of glass slippers.
Please contact the Castle’s royal aide via appropriate channels.

Classifieds
A couple with a baby girl on the way is seeking a person who is willing to go grocery shopping for them once a week. Responsibilities include climbing over the wall into their neighbour’s garden, grabbing some greens (specifically some Rapunzel) and returning to the house safely. Their neighbour has graciously agreed to overlook such an invasion, but the work still has to be done when the neighbour is out of the house or asleep at night, just in case.
Selection criteria of the desired candidate:
-Knowledgeable about greens and vegetables (essential)
-Physically fit
-Has a certificate in deflecting witch spells and insults
-Immune to hypnotic persuasion
-Doesn’t ask questions (a MUST)
Hours are irregular but pays well.
Please inquire in person at the red brick house next to the witch’s brewery.

Cinderella suspected of sorcery to snare her prince
The future queen’s reign is in doubt with allegations that she practiced witchcraft to seduce her husband.
The accusers (who wish to remain anonymous) state that Cinderella was often found singing to herself or charming animals while doing household tasks.
“Instead of being dedicated to her chores, she practiced sorcery.” One accuser says, “It wouldn’t be too far fetched for her to switch from charming poor animals to defenceless men.”
A magic commentator, our local witches’ society, has called the claims “possible” but “doubtful”.
The royal family has refused to make a statement on this matter, but the prince has called the claims completely ludicrous.
“I love her,” the prince says, “these claims against her are unfair and entirely unfounded.”
The coronation will still move ahead.

The ‘sleeping city’ archaeological site overrun by tourists
After the leak that revealed the location of the legendary ‘sleeping city’ yesterday, tourists have flocked to the area for the opportunity to snap some photos of its inhabitants.
To preserve the site and ensure that the sleeping citizens – whose bodies were still and remarkably looked like inanimate statues – were not harmed, the government had rigidly enforced an oath of secrecy when it was discovered. However, such efforts were futile as tourists soon made the journey to the isolated area.
It is speculated that the volume, the noise and the stamping of feet ‘woke’ the inhabitants. To the astonishment of tourists as well as researchers, one of the inhabitants, an unidentified young woman, abruptly sat up.
“She looked refreshed as most people do after a good sleep.” A tourist reported, “But once she realised that there were people gawking at her, she just screamed and then fainted.”
Authorities have viciously condemned and criticised other alleged misconducts of tourists that include but are not limited to photographing, kissing or touching the bodies of the unconscious inhabitants.
“Desecrating an archaeological site due to immaturity and mocking fairytale legends is somewhat expected nowadays. You see people carelessly breaking artefacts that had been painstakingly preserved,” one spokesman told The Fairytale Gazette, “But stealing someone’s image for their own enjoyment and defiling someone’s body without their consent is one step too far.”
The woman later woke up again and was taken to a safe location by authorities.
While security blames the disruption to the site by tourists as the cause for the awakening, others are not so sure. Such speculation can only be confirmed once the tourists have been evicted from the area.

 
Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Three 2021

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