With many countries going into lockdown and millions staying home, the coronavirus is definitely the biggest cockblock of 2020. Couples and single folks alike are wondering: “How the hell do I get freaky in a time like this?”. After all, sexual desires are natural, and physical touch is the love language of many. Sex and physical proximity can play important roles in maintaining relationships and regulating mental health due to isolation.

I’m not a doctor, or a sexual health professional. Just a girl in love, sharing the love. So, in the name of sex, I feel like it’s pretty apt to start this guide off with some very wise words from Salt-N-Pepa: Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.

• Can you have sex?

The answer is much more straightforward than you think – yes. But, some complications lie ahead. The safest person to have sex with is yourself. But, if you are living with a partner, or you’re both living alone and have been practising social-distancing, then, by all means, get down and dirty. However, the moment anyone displays symptoms such as a cough or fever, it might be time you put a pause on the late-night or day-light (what is time, anyway?) romps and see a doctor.

Whilst we no longer fully subscribe to monogamy in this society (get on with it), sexual health professionals have emphasised the importance of having one partner during this time. Meeting new partners — sexual or non-sexual — is not advisable. 

• How do you have sex? 

I’m skipping the whole birds and the bees talk — I’ll leave that to your parents — but there are plenty of ways you can have sex with your loved one(s), your casual buds or your brand new Tinder match since meeting up is not an option.

I present to you: Cyber Sex. If you can’t give head, you can give Facetime. When they’re off work, you can meet them on Skype, and trust when you finally meet them you can get to loving on sight. 

If video calls are not your thing, you can try sending sexy texts or share some saucy photographs. It is important to only do so with people you trust, and if your trust has been misplaced and you’ve fallen victim to revenge porn, report immediately to your local police or the eSafety Commissioner. You can also report it online via the Australian Cybercrime Online Reporting Network. If you need further advice, UMSU Advocacy provides free and confidential advice to all UniMelb graduates, undergraduates, domestic and international students. 

• But, I’m not sexual? Or maybe I just want to date?

Spending quality time is just as important in maintaining relationships and is key in getting to know someone. Virtual dates can change the dating game by tenfold. Instead of getting coffee, you can play a video game or make dinner by the computer together.

Virtual dates from home also mean you’re in a space you’re more comfortable, so chances of a first date going smoothly and not getting wrecked with nerves are higher. Plus, if your date is being a dick or making you uncomfortable, you can just end the call and block them without hesitation.

There are also multiple apps out there that allow you to stream and watch a movie or tv show in real-time with your partner — ask your friends in long-distance relationships, we tend to be pros at these. Get under your blankets, lay on some fluffy pillows and put on a show. It may not be the same, but it’s as close to the comfort of “Netflix and chilling” with your lover. And before you fall asleep, to pixels that make up your baby, lean in a bit closer and give them a kiss through the phone. You’ll see them later on. 

Maintaining relationships or just straight up boning may seem difficult when you’re living through a pandemic. However, with these little tips, it’s possible. Please do your best to stay connected during this time and read up on as many resources (from verified sources) as you can. Needless to say, our situation is far from ideal  — but hey — what a time to be alive! We’re living in the future, blinging on each other’s hotline.