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Article

Hocus-Pocus Recipes and Rituals: Jamming and Vibing Ourselves out of a Sticky Situation

Witch jail sure gets boring. Fortunately I will be released soon—but not before they take my ability to do magic!

Creative
A pattern of liquid-like hot pink and orange ghost shapes, layered with white fruits and stars.

Hello hello! This is your local apothecary and witch Selena Sparklemoon!

Since my last entry, I have been stuck. Literally. Witch jail sure gets boring. Fortunately I will be released soon—but not before they take my ability to do magic!

So I have been left with a tricky choice: live my life like before, but without my magic. Or live on the run from the coven magistrate for the rest of my life. It sucks to say, but as much as I want to return to my ol’ cottagecore life on this plane of existence, I can’t see my life without magic. So I’m busting out of here!

You will need the following:

  • Two cups of sugar—one cup for every cup of fruit we’re using to ensure our jam is sweet and well preserved
  • Two cups of strawberries—any fruit will do, but I’m craving some strawberries right now!
  • One lemon—since we’re going with a low-acid fruit like strawberries, we need the extra zest for optimal balance of acid and pectin, and to help everything set when cooking the jam
  • A pinch of lavender blessed by the moon—for that itty-bitty magical kick
  • One knife
  • One saucepan
  • One stirring spoon to stir everything up
  • Lots and lots of posi-vibes—this will be instrumental for the final finishing touches!

I have been getting my jailmate Persephone Rivers to smuggle most of these ingredients. Turns out they’re besties with Peppermint, and a big fan of my recipes and rituals!

Now that everything is together, we can begin the biggest jailbreak of the century!

  1. Dissolve the sugar in the saucepan on warm magical heat for five minutes. Don’t overheat or else it will all clump together.
  2. While keeping an eye out for any guards, cut up the strawberries with the knife, and squeeze all the juice from the lemon into the saucepan.
  3. Once the sugar has dissolved, crush the lemon, and add the cut-up strawberries, as well as a pinch of lemon rind and seeds from the crushed lemon, into the saucepan. Cook until the fruit is soft but still holds its shape.
  4. Keep stirring for another 10 minutes, faster now to prevent the jam from burning.
  5. Now that your jam is complete, carefully pour it over the floor in the shape of a pentagram.
  6. Now for the vibe check! Utter the phrase “Marmellata” three times, and clap three times while widening your stance. Repeat until your jam starts to glow.
  7. Close your eyes as the glow envelops your surroundings.

With that, I have teleported right out of there! I’m at my cottage now; my home, my heart.

Be right back, as I gather my materials and keepsakes, coz I probably can’t ever come back here.

Wait, hold on. Amon’s here! Turn outs they’re on a sneaky sabbatical from the demon conference—the kind you’re technically not supposed to take without severe consequences!

While I am glad to see Amon again, I don’t want them to risk their life for my sake. I’ll tell them to leave, and that I’ll see them soon.

***

So turns out Amon is here to help me move home!

That’s right—while my jam recipe is powerful, it normally only transports small quantities of matter, like yours truly. But with Amon here, I can move my whole entire cottage!

Alrighty, time for my jam recipe 2.0! The revamped jam recipe is identical except for:

  • Lots more ingredients—the pentagram has to cover my whole cottage after all, instead of an itty-bitty prison floor
  • Amon—their posi-vibes and infernal magic will give this recipe more than enough kick to drag my cottage to the depths of hell!

***

I open my eyes, and I am in the demon realm with Amon! The bottom of the lava lakes specifically. Our houses are side by side now, just like how I always wanted them.

***

Now I live with Amon in the demon realm! I’m technically a fugitive, but as long as I live with Amon, I have diplomatic immunity by association.

As for Persephone, Peppermint managed to break her out of jail, and now they live together in a giant teapot where my cottage used to be. Persephone and I still keep in touch by magical mail—we’re pen-pals now!

Thanks for sticking with me throughout my recipes and rituals series!

I think I will take a long break before I get back to them—after all I gotta explore the demon realm with Amon and figure out where my family is. Turns out Amon may have spotted them in the demon realm!

We have all the time in the world now!

 
Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Five 2022

EDITION SIX 'RETROFUTURISM' AVAILABLE NOW!

Our last print edition of 2022 is here! This wild, visionary edition is filled with burning nostalgia, glittering hope, and tantalising visions of the future, past, and present.

Read online