A richer student experience, but for who? The discriminatory effects of abandoning dual delivery.

With the days of strict lockdowns and cautious safety measures seemingly behind us, the University of Melbourne has implemented a return to full on-campus learning for all undergraduate and most postg

The American private equity giant buying up our local pubs

Have you noticed that something hasn’t quite been the same about your favourite pubs since the pandemic? Perhaps the pints are costlier, the menu has changed, the staff’s smiles appear forced and ther

Normalisation of Unpaid Trials: How Melbourne’s Casual Job Market Exploits International Students

Shivani, 21, moved from India six months ago. In April, she was called in for her first casual job at a kebab joint on Flinders Street. The marketing graduate was asked by the owner to do 12 hours

On Dreading Netflix's Upcoming Depp v. Heard Documentary

A few weeks ago, Netflix announced its new documentary, Depp vs. Heard, set to premiere later this month. The promises made were lofty: to re-examine the trial, to analyze the mass hysteria it provoke

Equitable Contraceptive Responsibility: Pioneering Gender-Neutral Contraceptive Solutions

If it takes two to tango, why does only one have to suffer? There should be more safe and effective methods available for men so that we can all equitably share the contraceptive responsibility.



“Recontexualise”, said a hot-shot student


“Recontexualise”, said a hot-shot student, whilst all were forced to endure their never-ending monologue about T.S. Eliot

A University of Melbourne arts student has mastered using as many extravagant words possible in a sentence, until they re-evaluate the profound and demanding effect of the word ‘vamoose’. The speech, a meandering mish-mash through the works of T. S. Eliot, included words that would grant you instantaneous victory in any game of Scrabble, all pronounced as if they had never been spoken aloud before.

As each sentence grows and expands to bulbous proportions, so does the student’s head. It bloats much like Aunt Marge in Harry Potter, but the student doesn’t float away and allow the class a moment of peace. It is as if they are chained down, forced to listen to a James Joyce-esque littering of commas and thoughts. It becomes apparent that the meaning of all words in the English language are now superfluous, and as the sentences slowly slip away, their argument becomes redundant. Indeed, any politician would be proud to receive this type of doublespeak from their speechwriter, but it has no place in a 9am tute. The student’s thoughts trail on as if they’ve found themselves lost in a Virginia Woolf stream of consciousness which makes your head spin and spin. Their unspeakably long sentences are littered with Shakespearean language, and are structured and sequestered by semicolon after semicolon—the punctuation of choice for pretending to have any semblance of what they’re saying.

Now, were this all uttered in the name of learning and growth, it could almost be forgiven—after all, literature is filled with discussions of how all interpretations are valid. Yet, this overzealous, thesaurus-swallowing creature is reminiscent of the worst theoretical subject readings; when your highlighter hovers over the page unsure of what even begins to constitute importance. When you can’t comprehend where one sentence ends and the next begins; the type where you must control your fingers, preventing them from approaching the roots of your hair and pulling until there’s nothing left. But of course, it’s all in the name of academia. Endless yawns from the class do not deter the student from continuing for a further five minutes, because, as I said... it’s all in the name of academia.

Perhaps if we all include the word ‘recontextualise’ in our vocabularies (and slip it into any sentence possible), we too can find our IQs rising—just like this humble and grounded student.

Yet, the student smiles gleefully at their contribution in class. They’re either blissfully ignorant about halting the lesson for their spontaneous 20 minute monologue, or their verbal jargon is simply covering the fact that they know absolutely nothing about the topic. Of course, any student who managed to stay awake glares with hatred and shock at this self-proclaimed Aristotle. This waste-of-breath could just as easily be summed up in a single word.


Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Two 2023


What would you find if you walked through the looking glass into another time? Why are all the plastic googly eyes you spilt over your bedroom floor following your every move? The entire universe and beyond is your disco ball of scintillating possibility.

Read online