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Why the Left Sucks: An Inquiry into Campus’s Most Hated Political Group

It is no exaggeration to say that The University of Melbourne is one of the largest breeding grounds for leftist thought in the country. For those of us who have been on campus–walked past the columns

Hey hey hey, it’s time to recap the Kooyong Leaders Debate piece

Poor Selina, she had to watch the whole debate.

The Aesthetics of Poverty – Why students at UniMelb are so keen to appear poor.

The discourse accusing this so-called ‘student aesthetic’ of fetishising poorness has surfaced within the past year on social media (especially TikTok) and in conversations between students on and off

Satire: Farrago Shuts Down; Honi Soit Now Australia's Oldest Student Publication

As of today, Farrago Magazine, Australia’s oldest student publication, will cease operations under the current four editors.

VCA Students Demand UniMelb to Commit to “Zero Tolerance” Policy

Students at the Victorian College of the Arts (VCA) are calling on the University of Melbourne to “commit to stronger policies and actions when it comes to sexual assault”, after the University ignore

 

Article

For and Against: Tiktok

 

For

Joanna Guelas

I miss Vine this, Vine walked so TikTok could run that. Bestie, there’s a reason why Vine couldn’t run. Vine was gentrified TikTok before TikTok was a thing. On Vine, there was Lele Pons, Liza Koshy and Gabbie Hanna on repeat, but on TikTok? You can have cottagecore lesbian TikTok, tarot card TikTok, straight men queerbaiting TikTok, self-insert so you can date Tom Holland’s Spider-Man TikTok, without even stumbling upon Charlie D’Amelio or Addison Rae. All the Vine compilations are just different orderings of “Staph, I could’ve dropped my croissant” and “Road work ahead? Uh, sure hope it does”. There is no flavour to Vine anymore. Let her rest.

But it’s cringe! Only twelve-year-old eshays use TikTok! Wrong. You’re just scared. You’re clinging onto tradition so hard you can’t embrace modernity. It’s the microtargeting of the For You Page that scares you, isn’t it? Well bestie, Facebook and YouTube use microtargeting to give you advertisements about Oodies and they steal your data too.

TikTok is fun. It doesn’t need to be anything more than that to be valid. And if you stopped letting the insecure “I am cool girl, girl that is cool” you take control, then maybe you could have some extra serotonin too. Could you imagine feeling embarrassed over an app? Bye.

 

Against

Nishtha Banavalikar

The year is 3021. The earth is in ashes. All that exists of humanity is Jeff Bezos’s incest-ridden lineage. They sit comfortably in their McMansion spaceship, pondering humanity’s last century as Jeff Bezos Jr. Jr. Jr.’s hand hovers over the big red button.

A haunting melody filters in:

“Renegade, renegade, renegade.”

A tear rolls down his cauliflower skin. Were those not happier times? When humanity had merit? When filters would do the work of isolating attractive children women for him and content could be freely stolen from Black creators as his ancestors had dreamed.

Another tear falls.

When E-girls and furries held hands and toed community guidelines in their school uniforms. When algorithms benevolently filtered out the ugly, non-white and non-able bodied. When predators roamed free without discrimination and thousands of tiny, mentally ill voices sang the anthem of his great grandfather. CEO, Entrepreneur…

Time was running out to make a decision. In moments like this, he asks: WWQARD? (What would queen Addison Rae do?)

Nay… his ex-queen. She’d chosen him over her. Chosen… Trump… He growled under his breath and hit the button. Tiktok was dead. Now, he would carve humanity in his own name.

 
Farrago's magazine cover - Edition Five 2022

2022 EDITION FIVE 'VOULEZ-VOUS' AVAILABLE NOW!

Edition 5 is all dolled up, adorned with student art, pretty words and scandelous hot-takes. Read it now!

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