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Philosophy Student Not Unemployed But “Challenging Neoliberal Paradigms”

<p>Andrew Wilkies has boldly challenged the economic world order by refusing to consider the possibility of employment.</p>

Satire

Andrew Wilkies has boldly challenged the economic world order by refusing to consider the possibility of employment.

“If I got an offer, I wouldn’t take it—you think I want to be a wage slave?” he told Grub reporters.

“More money is taken in wage theft than by criminal theft, did you know that? I can’t participate in that.”

Twenty-three and living with his parents, Andrew has no intentions of participating in a workplace governed by capitalist exploitation.

“We’re expected to work, bred from birth to work, that’s all the media and all the schools ever tell us,” he said.

“Ever since I learnt about Chomsky’s notion of manufactured consent last semester, and saw that horrifying Four Corners report on the Panama Papers, I knew that I could have no part in that.”

With no plans to get a job, Andrew is hoping to sign enough GetUp! online petitions to provoke a global change in modern society.

His mother, Jessica, has reservations about his radical attack on the bourgeois elite.

“I think he’s just going through a phase. He barely leaves the house, he just attempts to build socialism on the internet with his friends and has a go at me every time I buy something that isn’t organic, ethically produced, fair trade, all that shit”, she said.

“I wish he’d just get on with it like the rest of us.”

Despite these concerns, Andrew remains steadfast in his life choice.

“Until the Earth is soaked with the blood of the pigs and the proletariat rise up and reclaim the means of production, I refuse to surrender my Youth Allowance.

 
Headline by Alex Greggery.
Article by Alex Shermon.

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